I Hate to Love You
by Spike868
Summary: Challenge for Persistence of Memory. Spike, Angel and a well kept secret. Until now.
1. Chapter 1

I Hate to Love You

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely MA for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

WARNING: for anybody who is not comfortable with sexual relations in stories posted on this website, I advise that you don't read this story as the first few chapters involve some "heated" scenes. Fair warning, the topic kind of calls for some action and you can't just have it without describing it to the reader. People get angry when you don't describe things enough.

Chapter One: The First Night

Spike was lonely. He had nowhere to go. He wanted to go back to his crypt, but the Slayer always seemed to be hanging around trying to beat information out of him one way or another. She never left him alone, so why did he strangely feel as though he had some sort of feeling towards her that wasn't all bad?

Unsure of where he could go to spend the night, Spike made his way through the streets of Sunnydale. It was late and most people were heading home, if they weren't already inside. Few places were still open, and even those who were started closing-up shop.

At the end of the street in the distance, Spike saw and all-too-familiar building looming in the darkness amongst the trees and tall shadows. The old mansion Angel stayed in last year. Shaking his head in memory of his old grand-sire, Spike strolled up to the door and gently pushed it open. No sounds came from inside, not even the squeaking of mice.

Spike remembered when he heard of Angel leaving. When Drusilla left him, he returned to Sunnydale to find Buffy and Angel trying to hide their feelings for each other. Then he left, but when he returned again with ex-high-school-popularity-tart Harmony he learnt of his sire's departure. It hit him hard, but of course he didn't show it. Back then all he wanted was the Gem of Amarra. He let his anger cloud his judgement and regretted what he'd done to Angel. Torturing him and such. God, how he regretted it.

And so here he was, in the old mansion thinking about all he'd done with Angel. Everything good, and everything bad. He sat on the edge of the doorstep, just inside the entry. Then he smelt smoke. He stood up and wandered further inside, following the distinct smell of burning wood coming from inside the building. He found the source, the old fireplace. It was burning strong, the wild flames lapping at the air around it. Spike heard footsteps and spun around.

'Angel?' he asked, shocked at the sight before him.

'Spike.' Angel replied. There he stood, in his burgundy button-up shirt and black leather pants. Spike stood there in his own black ensemble and his leather duster.

'What are you doing here?' Spike asked.

'I came here to think.' Angel told him. 'I often come here to think.'

'You come from L.A. to here so you could think?' Spike challenged. Deep down he was glad to see the old sire.

'Yes Spike, I've got things on my mind.'

'Well... um… it's good to see you.' Spike struggled to get the words out. Angel picked up on his uneasiness instantly.

'You too Spike. Is something wrong? Are you looking for something?'

'I just… I don't have anywhere to go. With Buffy checking out my place at all hours of the night I never know when it's safe to go back.' Angel sympathised.

'Do you want to stay here for tonight?' He offered. Spike's eyes lit up. He nodded and Angel sat down on the couch.

'So what's on your mind, Angel?' Spike asked. 'It's gotta be something big for you to come all the way out here to Sunnydale.'

'It's just… Wolfram and Hart.' Angel answered.

'I've heard of them.' Spike replied, thinking for a minute. 'Some big evil law firm or something, right?'

'Right. They've got this thing against me, trying to get me on their side; never going to happen. But still, they prove to be quite a pain in my ass.'

'I think I'd rather be the pain in your ass.' Spike only realised what he'd said after he'd said it. He stammered for a few seconds before adding, 'I mean… I…' He couldn't think of what to say, because he didn't know what he meant. It just slipped out. Angel quickly changed the subject, and Spike nervously paced around in front of the couch.

'They brought something in a box, something big. I've got to figure out what's it is before something really bad happens.' Angel explained. 'I left Cordy, Wes and Gunn back in L.A. and they don't even know I'm here. They think I'm out on some big case that I've been working on for a few days, and they don't suspect a thing.'

'Should they be suspecting you of something?' Spike asked, sitting down on the arm of the couch and swinging his legs over onto the cushions.

'No. I often go after leads in cases; it takes a while to follow things up. Feet of the lounge.' Angel pushed Spike's feet off the cushions with a quick sweep of one arm, causing Spike to topple down beside Angel. Spike's head came to rest on Angel's thigh, and he looked up into his sire's eyes. He tried to wriggle away, feeling awkward and slightly uncomfortable, but as he looked up at sire he saw something in his eyes he'd been missing for a long time. Meaning; a reason for his existence. Angel was his meaning, his reason. And Angel must have seen it in Spike's eyes too, because he pulled Spike close and kissed him.

It was a passionate kiss, and one that lasted for what felt like a very long time to both parties. Since the two vampires didn't need to breath, it lasted even longer. Within moments of breaking away from the kiss, Spike rolled over and got up of the couch. He took Angel's hand and pulled him to his feet. As the two vampires stood there, the fire blazing nearby, they embraced each other and kissed again.

Angel, still kissing Spike, began to take steps pushing Spike through a doorway and into another room. Spike moved with Angel, their passionate kisses warming each other's dead heart. Angel pulled Spike's duster off and dropped it to the floor in the doorway.

Angel pushed Spike down onto the bed in the middle of the room, feeling the springs beneath him bounce back. He began kissing Spike's neck, and the younger vampire moved his head to the side to give Angel more room. He hadn't realised that he'd begun to moan, and quickly realised that it was more than just that. He had butterflies in his stomach, and felt as if his heart was fluttering, even though it was not possible.

Spike whispered to Angel. 'Will anyone come here tonight?' And Angel whispered back his answer.

'No.'

'Good.' Spike flipped over his sire, so that he was now sitting on Angel's stomach. Looking down into Angel's eyes, Spike couldn't help himself. He began to unbutton Angel's burgundy shirt, letting it fall open to the sides. Angel then helped Spike to remove his shirt, and the two vampires placed their hands on each other's chests. With force, Spike began kissing Angel all over his face. His lips, his cheeks, his neck. Then without warning, he vamped out. Drawing back, he saw Angel looking up into his golden eyes. Angel then vamped out, and Spike lowered his head to Angel's neck. He bit into the skin, feeling the fresh blood seeping over his lips and down his throat. He heard Angel cry out, but ignored it. Then he felt Angel's hands on his back, rubbing across his shoulder blades. He felt the hands pulling him closer, then Angel sunk his fangs into Spike's neck. He yowled with surprise and pain, pulling back from Angel's neck. He was not expecting the sharp jab in his shoulder. Then he lowered his head again and began feeding.

As the two vampires fed off each other, they felt the bond between them growing stronger and closer. Without even realising it, soon the two were entirely naked, and together they spent the night. They fooled around for hours, touching, kissing and simply enjoying each other's company. Then they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Author's Note; I know the whole "Spike falls on Angel" thing is really cheesy, but It was a simple way to bring them suddenly close enough to share an intimate moment. I think it worked. The idea of Angel just suddenly being able to talk to Spike (seeing as how the two hate each other) is just a little twist I put in because if they are vampire children, then they must have a connection. When they're alone together and when the situation and feelings are right, everything can just be natural. I figured they'd be able to talk to each other without too much angst (I made it none because it's better that way) and that then led to them "getting together". I think it worked pretty well, although the rating definitely sticks throughout the story from now on. But before anyone asks, I'm only willing to go so far with the Spike/Angel relationship scenes, okay? Don't beg me for Spangel scenes, but I can promise that there will be more.

NOTE: Small change has been made – I have edited out part of a sentence because it seems better that way. (after I got a review about it – thanks Persistence!)


	2. Chapter 2

I Hate to Love You 2

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely MA for medium-level coarse language and medium to high-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Two: A Regular Thing

It had been two months, and every weekend of every month Angel would come to Sunnydale to be with Spike. To make sure his cover was not blown, every other day of the week except for the weekends Spike would live in his crypt. Nobody suspected a thing, because surprisingly, Buffy never visited Spike on weekends that much anymore. Before, she used to drop by whenever it suited her, but she suddenly always seemed to be busy on the weekends. Spike suspected that it was because of Riley and Buffy's involvement with him.

When Spike got into a bar-fight one Friday night, Angel showed up in the early hours of the next morning and found him lying naked in the bed with a bruised bottom lip, a cut on his left cheek, several cuts on his right shoulder and on his torso and a bruised left knee-cap.

'Morning luv.' Spike whispered as he heard Angel walk in the room. He heard Angel's bag drop to the floor and watched as he walked around to the other side of the bed.

'Morning. What the hell happened to you?' Angel asked, seeing the injuries his lover sported.

'Bar-fight luv, best night of my life.' Spike sniggered, sitting up. He looked down at his wounds, then back up at Angel. 'Beat the crap out of the other guy, you should've seen him.' Angel grinned.

'Spike, are you _sure_ it was the best night of your life? Couldn't I make it better?' He asked seductively. Spike caught on quick.

'Oh, I don't know, I suppose that you could. What exactly did you have in mind?' Spike replied. Angel knelt on the bed, leaning down to Spike. He gave Spike a peck on the cheek, before running several more pecks down the side of his face until he reached Spike's lips. Then he began tenderly kissing the injured vampire, before pulling back. 'Don't stop…' Spike whispered, reaching up with his un-injured arm and pulling Angel closer to him. They embraced each other and shared another kiss, before Angel got off the bed and pulled back.

'Hang on, I picked something up in L.A. before I came here.' Angel told Spike, going to his bag. He pulled out a tube and wandered back over to the bed. 'I was all out, so I bought some more.'

Spike grinned cheekily. 'And did you have a plan of use for that little tube of yours Angel?' he asked.

'Well, I was hoping you'd give me some ideas.' Angel returned the cheeky grin with one of his own.

'I think I might have some.' Spike threw back the sheets and got out of bed. He hobbled over to Angel, his left knee purple and swollen. Angel offered to support Spike's weight, but instead of accepting the hand Spike took hold of it and dragged Angel over to the bed. Angel dropped the tube on the bed, and Spike pulled off Angel's jacket, dropping it on the floor beside him. He kissed Angel firmly on the lips as he unbuttoned the dark blue shirt he was wearing, before discarding it. Still kissing his vampire lover, Spike began to unbuckle Angel's belt. He unzipped the zipper and Angel aided him in removing his pants. They fell to his feet, and Spike pulled down his boxers, pulling back and watching them fall to the floor.

Spike gently pushed Angel onto the bed, and let him wriggle into place so he was lying down along the edge of the bed. He knelt on his right knee, half standing on his injured left leg. He grabbed a pillow and shoved it underneath Angel's bottom, raising it slightly. Spike then reached for the tube of lubricant and squeezed some onto two of his fingers. He then flipped Angel's hips forward pushing his legs into the air and stuck his fingers inside Angel, preparing him for sex.

Angel grinned up at his childe, awaiting Spike's entrance. As Spike penetrated Angel, he grunted. He picked up a rhythm for his thrusts, and Angel was soon moaning in time with Spike's movements. Spike found himself doing the same. He began stroking Angel's penis, up and down. Angel moaned with pleasure, allowing himself to completely relax and let Spike take control. And he did just that.

Slowly and tenderly, the two became closer. They kissed, they touched and they bit. They screwed into the early hours of the morning, loving every moment being together. And it wasn't a one-off thing, this same thing happened every time Angel came to Sunnydale. Even when Angel came to deal with Riley, he ended up coming to Spike. They had sex every time they were alone together, and nobody knew a thing or suspected anything was anything going on between them.

Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn became worried that Angel was spending days at a time away from work, but he'd just tell them he had some business to take care of. It generally seemed to work, and it got Angel away for up to three days at a time. Sometimes he was able to get away on the Friday morning, so he could come straight to Sunnydale and spend all of Friday inside the mansion with Spike.

Besides having sex, the two vampires spent a lot of their time talking. Spike told Angel things about life in Sunnydale, and Angel filled Spike in on the goings-on in L.A. It was a fair trade, info for info. Of course, neither vampire let on to their respective crews that they knew of anything happening in the other city.

But while the two were having sex, it was the most intimate moment they had ever shared with each other. And each time it seemed to get better and better. And this time was no different. As Angel lay back, completely relaxed, he felt himself coming. He felt a rush of warmth flow through his body and he climaxed, screaming out Spike's name. Spike' orgasm soon followed, and he screamed out Angel's name at the same time as he heard his own escaping Angel's lips.

When neither vampire could stand it anymore, Spike withdrew. He collapsed on Angel's stomach, feeling a cooling sensation flow calmly through his body.

'That was bloody fantastic.' Spike gasped.

'Yeah.' Angel breathed his response. 'You're great in bed.'

'Damn right I am.' Spike gloated. Angel jerked his right leg down suddenly so it hit Spike's bruised left knee, causing the young blonde to cry out in pain. He looked angrily down at Angel. 'Ow.' Angel grinned cheekily. 'You know you suck.' Spike said playfully, half meaning it and half joking.

'Yes, I know. But you still love me.' Angel replied.

'Yeah, I'll always love you Angel.' Spike grinned at him and rolled over. As the two vampires lay on their backs, they fell asleep again in each other's arms.

Author's Note: Hopefully people like this story so far. Persistence of Memory, what do you think of it at the moment before I post any more?


	3. Chapter 3

I Hate to Love You 3

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely MA for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Three: The Secret's Out

It was a cloudy Saturday morning, and Angel was about to begin his second-last day with Spike before returning to L.A the next night. He woke to find the young blonde vampire's head resting on his chest, and he smiled as he began stroking the boy's hair. Spike woke soon after, discovering the comforting feeling of his grand-sire playing with his hair. He looked straight into Angel's eyes and smiled.

'Morning luv.'

'How'd you sleep?'

'Great. You?'

'Any night with you is great Spike.' The two vampires lay there on the bed in silence for a few minutes, purely enjoying each other's company. Angel sat up, and Spike rolled over onto the other side of the bed. Angel climbed out of bed, entirely naked. He strolled into the little bathroom, and turned on the tap. He splashed water onto his face before towelling it dry and returning to Spike.

'What was that for?' Spike asked, sniggering.

'Can't a guy keep his skin looking good?' Angel protested.

'Only if he's a ponce.' Spike replied.

'What about if he does it for his lover?' Angel suggested.

'Well, then it's different. Which one is it?' Spike asked playfully. Angel knelt down on the bed and half-tackled Spike, who began laughing as Angel tickled his stomach.

'Take a guess.' Angel leant down and kissed Spike on the lips before getting back up off the bed. As he turned around and picked up a blue button-up shirt from in his bag, Spike got to his feet and wandered around the bed. Facing the other way, Angel didn't see him and as he tried to do up the buttons Spike reached around his waist from behind and took hold of his wrists. He held Angel's hands still, and with his head nuzzled at Angel's neck.

'I love you.' He whispered into Angel's ear.

'I love you too Spike.' Angel whispered back. Angel pulled the shirt off and dropped it on his bag before swinging his legs back onto the bed. He wriggled over and Spike lay down beside him. The two began talking about life in the other city.

'So, did you find out what was in that box Wolfram and Hart brought?' Spike asked, genuinely interested now that he was comfortable with freely talking to Angel.

'No, but they can't keep it a secret for too long. Whatever was in that box is going to come out sooner or later, and I'd rather it be sooner. I want to kill whatever it was because I just know that it's going to be bad.'

'Well, hopefully those bastard lawyers will screw up soon and you can finally see what they're hiding.' Spike said positively.

'Thanks Spike, I appreciate it.' Angel sighed. 'But I don't know what am I going to do tomorrow when I go back to L.A. or whether Cordy, Wes or Gunn have figured out our little secret. I keep feeling as if they know, but they never say anything.'

'Then obviously they don't. You shouldn't be so worried, because I bet that if Cordelia found out she'd freak, and you'd know.'

Angel chuckled. 'Yeah, but I love Cordy. She's changed so much, and she's such a different person to who she was in high school.'

'Define what you been by "love", luv?' Spike demanded.

'Oh come on Spike, you know I'll always love you.' Angel answered. 'It's just that Cordy is so great to work with. She always makes a bad situation look good, and she's always there to just make you feel happy.'

'But not _too_ happy, for you that is.' Spike added. Angel realised what he meant.

'Yeah, thanks Spike.' Angel said sarcastically.

'Is that still a touchy subject with you? Come on Angel, don't let it bother you. As long as your happy with me, not _too_ happy, then everything's great right?'

'Yeah I guess.' Angel agreed. 'But it's something I've always got to be conscious of. It's kind of a pain.'

'Well every person has something that becomes a thorn in their side mate, and your weakness to happiness just happens to be yours. It's not the end of you, besides, if you went all happy I'd have someone evil to be with.' Spike pointed out the positive.

'Angelus wouldn't treat you nearly as well as I do.' Angel smirked.

'Well then, I'd better keep you just the way you are.' Spike said. Angel relaxed back on the pillows, and Spike snuggled closer. They continued their talk long into the afternoon, just chatting about things from the demon-of-the-week to what's been happening amongst the gangs on each respective side of Angel and Spike's world.

Then night fell.

Buffy and Riley were out patrolling after hearing from Giles there was a vampire nest somewhere close to Angel's old place. They stalked through the cemetery, keeping their eyes peeled for any signs of movement.

'You know, being a Slayer doesn't mean that you always have to be on your own. A Slayer can be in love and have somebody special in her life, you're living proof.' Buffy said as she and Riley walked side-by-side.

'I know, but because you're the Slayer it's different. You've got that thing…' Riley was vague in his reference.

'What thing?' Buffy asked.

'That thing where you're stronger than everybody else and where that time when we were training you kicked my ass.'

'But what does that have to do with love?' Buffy protested.

'I don't know. It's just, sometimes I feel like I'm a little less than you are. It's not the best feeling in the world.' Buffy stopped Riley, looking deep into his eyes.

'You are not less than me. Sure I may be physically stronger than you but…' Buffy was stopped mid-sentence as a vampire tackled her sideways and she fell to the ground. Quickly she got to her feet and began a fistfight with her opponent. A punch to the face. A kick in the stomach. Buffy proved that she was strong, and as Riley watched her fight he realised how much different the two of them were, and of what she was capable of. Although, she wasn't giving her all in this particular fight, and Riley could tell. As Buffy flipped the vampire to the ground she produced a stake. She shoved it into the chest of the woman lying on the grass below her and watched as the body exploded into tiny fragments of dust.

Buffy sighed heavily as a statement. 'Riley, I may be physically stronger than you but that's only because I'm the Slayer.' She continued, and the two kept walking.

'Yeah, but it's still a little bit, I don't know, _competitive_.' Riley replied. 'I feel as though I'm competing against you to be strong, but I know that you're stronger than I am and that I can't change that fact.'

'Riley, don't let it bother you. I still love you, even if you aren't a tough as me.' Buffy said playfully as she brushed past some bushes and parted branches to create a path.

The two hunters emerged into a clearing and through the trees on the other side Buffy could see Angel's old building and light coming from one of the windows.

'The vampire nest can't be far.' Riley stated.

'Right. I think its in there.' Buffy said matter-of-factly, jogging ahead and parting the bushes to get a good look at the building. She couldn't see into the window, but she could work out that there was definitely someone in there.

'Buffy, shouldn't we approach with caution? I mean, we don't even know how many there are.' Riley suggested.

'Well, at least we know there's one less.' Buffy replied, referring to the female vampire she had just slayed. She stepped through the bushes and approached the building, keeping close to the wall as she travelled around the edge to find an entrance.

'Front door is around here.' She whispered to Riley. The two snuck around to the door and, as quietly as they possibly could, slipped inside. They headed through the main room with the burning fireplace, which was almost burnt out. Through a doorway Buffy could see to figures illuminated by a dull orange lamp lying in a bed in the next room. She edged closer to the door, not being able to fully see who was in the bed, but she guessed that it was a part of the vampire clan nesting in the woods.

Spike lay with his head resting on Angel's chest, and his right hand sitting on Angel's stomach. 'Did you hear that?' his ears suddenly perked up at the sound of movement outside.

'I thought I heard voices.' Angel answered. Spike remained still, listening.

'Do you think they found out? Do you think they know about us?' he asked, meaning Buffy and the scoobies.

'No, they would have come after you earlier.' Angel assured him. Spike sat up.

'But I haven't been at my crypt. What if they came to say they knew about us, and I wasn't there? What if they're here now to stake us both?'

'Spike.' Angel tried to calm down the younger vampire. 'You're over-reacting. Calm down.' He pulled Spike's head back down to rest on his chest, and began stroking his forehead. 'You're safe here.'

'Alright. If you say so.' Spike replied, relaxing a bit. 'But still, I swear that something's out there.'

There were footsteps in the entry room, and both Spike and Angel heard them clearly. There were two different sounds, meaning two intruders. The two vampires were sure that there was reason to worry now. Something was in the building with them. They didn't move; just lay there listening for what was shuffling around in the next room, ready to spring up and attack at any moment. But they soon realised that wouldn't be appropriate, seeing as how neither of them was wearing pants.

Buffy approached the bedroom with caution, almost tiptoeing as she entered. She got the shock of her life when she recognised the bleach-blond hair as one of the people in the bed.

'Spike?' she asked. Spike looked up.

'Oh God, Buffy.' Angel turned to his right to see Buffy standing there in the doorway, and even in the dim glow of the lamp he could see her expression. Pure horror. Her ex-lover and the demon she hated so much were here, in bed together. It sickened her, and all she could do was stand there. Riley stepped into the room and saw Spike and Angel in the bed.

'What's going on here?' he asked. Before anyone could answer him, Buffy pushed past him and ran out of the building. Riley instantly ran after her, sending stern glances Spike and Angel's way.

The two vampire were left alone, shocked that their secret was out. And to make matters worse, Buffy saw them.

Author's Note: Another chapter up. I may not be able to update for a few days. I was sick today so I got to stay home from school and write write write but I've got to go back to school tomorrow. Also, no Internet until the weekend. Well, I'll try anyway, I love writing. What do you think of this so far? Is it any good? And Persistence of Memory, is this shaping up to be the story you had in your mind when you set the challenge?


	4. Chapter 4

I Hate to Love You 4

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language

Chapter Four: A Confrontation

Trying to remain calm, the two vampires got out of bed and located their various items of clothing. Pants, shirts, socks and shoes – and their coats. The two exchanged glances once or twice, mostly saying to each other _oh crap, what are going to say_? And it was Angel who spoke about it first.

"Spike, what are we going to say when we catch up with Buffy?" he asked. Spike stopped, having just put on his duster.

"How about, _hi luv, nice to see you too_." Spike replied, a stupid answer.

"Spike, I'm serious. Surely you knew that they'd eventually find out. With us sneaking here every weekend how can they _not_ notice that you're suddenly not around to beat up?"

"Hey!" Spike protested.

"Come on, Buffy kicks your ass, admit it." Angel teased.

"I said, hey!' Spike repeated, emphasising _hey_. Angel grinned, then returned to his solemn expression as he spoke again of Buffy.

"So what are we going to tell her? Should we just come right out and say that we're together?" Angel suggested.

"Well I don't see why not." Spike answered. "It's just; I don't think I hate her as much as I should. With her being a Slayer and me being a soulless vampire and all."

"If you don't hate her, then…?" Angel was clueless.

"She's tolerable." Spike told him. "I can stand to be around her and _not_ want to kill her." Angel hadn't fully realised that Spike actually meant he was starting to _like_ her.

"Good. That will come in handy then." He told Spike, pulling his coat over his shoulders and folding the collar over.

"Um Angel, I think you're missing my point here." Spike began explaining. "Now, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but…" Angel's expression made him stop. He showed no concern of what Spike was about to tell him, only an open face which welcomed Spike and showed no care for anything not related to him. "… I think I like Buffy."

Angel broke into a fit of laughter. "Right Spike. You love me, you can't like her. Besides, you don't even have a soul."

"And yet I can still love you." Spike added.

"That's because we have a bond. Us vampires, we share a connection. That's what you and me are feeling, a connection between the both of us." Angel explained. "There is no way you can like Buffy, it just doesn't work. I'm proof of that."

"Angel, you had a soul when you were with Buffy. For me, it's different." Spike tried to explain his confusing feelings towards Buffy. He was surprised that Angel was being so calm and relaxed in response to his news.

"Yeah, how?" Angel asked.

"It just is. I like her in a different way. A few weeks ago I realised it; I just wanted to hang around her. Sure, I hate the bitch because of who she is, but that doesn't stop me from liking her too."

"Spike, don't worry about Buffy. You're with me and that's all that matters. Don't worry about how you feel about her, because I'm sure that there really is nothing there. It's probably just because you've lived around her so long that you're able to be around her comfortably now. It's nothing more than that." Angel assured him.

"Okay, that sounds like good reasoning." Spike quickly agreed. He wasn't even 70 percent sure of how he felt so he just went along with what he was being told. Little did he know that he and Angel wouldn't last, and that Buffy would be there to be his next love interest.

Buffy had reached Giles' apartment and felt so hurt. She also felt like she wanted to scream, cry, run and hide as well as kill both Spike and Angel. She was so confused; how could they do this to her? How could _Angel_ do this to her? What was he thinking, getting together with Spike? They're vampires, and male!

She pounded on the door, surprisingly hard. She felt it rattle beneath her hand as she rapped on the wood. The door opened and before her stood Willow.

"Buffy?" The redhead asked. "What's wrong? Where's Riley?" All the scoobies knew that Buffy and Riley were patrolling the cemetery. "Has something happened to him?"

"Nothing happened to Riley, he's fine." Buffy replied, almost through gritted teeth.

"Then what is it?" Willow pressed.

"Angel." Buffy got one word out.

"Something happened to Angel?"

"Spike."

"And Spike? Buffy, what's going on?" Willow watched her friend closely, her expression changing. Her bottom lip began to tremble and as she looked into Willow's eyes water began to form in her own. "Buffy?"

"I saw them. Both. Together." Buffy choked out as she began to sob. Willow stepped forward and hugged Buffy, accepting the arms around her shoulders.

"Oh Buffy, are you alright?" Willow asked as she rubbed Buffy's back.

"I saw them Will, in bed. They were just laying there. Together." She began to bawl, crying heavily into Willow's woolly sweater. The nights were getting colder.

Across the room, Giles watched the two girls in his doorway. He wanted to help, but was unsure of what he could do. He carried the book he had been studying with Willow and approached the two girls.

"Buffy." He began, and Willow pushed Buffy gently away. "Tell me what happened."

"Giles, just give her a minute." Willow told him, bringing Buffy inside. Just as she was about to close the door, Riley appeared.

"Riley?" Giles asked, a little surprised by his appearance. He was panting; clearly he'd been running all the way from the cemetery.

"I saw… Spike…" he breathed his words in between inhaling. "… And… Angel…" He looked up at Giles and Willow, with Buffy standing with her back to him.

"We know. Buffy told us." Willow informed Riley as he approached Buffy.

"Buffy…" he placed a hand on her shoulder, finally getting himself together. She rolled her should making Riley remove his hand, as she tried to keep her emotions bottled up. She had softened her crying to just a small sob every now and then, but inside she was furious, upset, confused and a little dazed by what she'd seen.

"Riley, did you see what Buffy saw?" Giles asked. Riley nodded. "Can you tell us everything?" Riley's eyes darted nervously.

"In the kitchen." He wandered past Giles and into the small kitchen, leaving Willow to take care of Buffy in the living room.

"Riley, what on earth did you see? Buffy's in a terrible state." Giles demanded.

"We saw Angel and Spike in the old mansion by Sunnydale cemetery." Riley explained.

"What were they doing together?' Giles asked. 'I thought they hated each other?"

"Well, they looked pretty cosy to me."

"Cosy?" Giles realised what Riley meant and why Buffy was so upset. "Oh." Was his response.

"Yeah." Riley added.

"Dear Lord…" Giles mumbled. He looked down at the book in his hands. "Well what are we going to do about it?"

"I say we stake them both. They have no idea how hurt Buffy is." Riley said.

"Angel always seemed to care for Buffy no matter what, so why did he do this?" Giles thought out aloud.

"I don't care," Riley answered, "Angel hurt Buffy and he's going to pay for it."

"Riley, you can't just go out and stake him. Are you entirely sure of what you saw?" Riley just looked at Giles.

"Yes."' He said, frustrated. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Giles and Riley exchanged glances while Willow comforted Buffy. "You don't think…" Riley began.

Giles walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. As he opened the door, the two faces staring at him from outside sent a chill down his spine.

"You have some nerve showing up here." Giles told the two vampires standing in his doorway.

"Is Buffy here?" Angel asked.

"'Yes, she is." Giles answered. "Just so you know neither of you are invited in." Giles gave them both satisfied looks as he turned them away.

"Just so you know, I've already been here before." Spike told Giles.

"And so have I." Angel added. Giles rolled his eyes and stepped aside, allowing the two men to enter. Buffy looked over her shoulder to see Angel and Spike standing just inside the door. Giles walked past them and placed the book he was still holding on the table beside the couch.

Buffy rose to her feet, turning to face Angel and Spike. "What are you doing here?" She demanded. "Do you have _any_ idea how I feel right now?"

"Buffy, I'm sorry." Angel stepped forward. "You know I would never do anything to hurt you…" Buffy held up a hand to stop him.

"Don't." She said simply. "Just don't."

"Buffy, we didn't want to tell you because we didn't know how you'd react." Angel continued to explain.

"We? _We_?" Buffy asked. "What do you mean _we_? How come it is _we_ all of a sudden?"

"Buffy, Spike and I are together now. We figured you'd find out soon or later, we just didn't know it would be like this."

"Angel, you claimed to love Buffy." Riley spoke up.

"Riley, don't." Buffy warned him.

"And yet you turn around and do this to her? Do you see how you've hurt her?" Riley continued.

"Don't start, this has nothing to do with you." Angel snapped. 'Buffy and I are the ones that have the history, not you."

"Angel, he has just as much of a right to criticise you as I do.' Giles spoke up. 'And how dare you. In _this_ town?"

"Giles, you have to understand that we didn't plan this. It just sort of… happened." Angel explained.

"Happened?" Buffy jumped in. "It just _happened_? So you just _happened_ to fall into bed with each other?"

"Buffy, please." Angel turned to his ex-lover. "I didn't want to hurt you, but I can't deny what I feel for Spike."

"Uhh." Buffy shuddered. She put her hand to her head, feeling dizzy from the news, from running at full speed from the cemetery and from crying so hard to make her head hurt.

"Buffy?" Riley asked, checking to see if she was okay.

"How could you do this to me?" Buffy demanded of Angel. "After everything? After I loved you?" Angel couldn't come up with an answer, so he simply remained quiet.

"Well?" Riley pushed for him to speak. There was no way he could win.

"I didn't intentionally try to hurt you Buffy, you must know that." After the few minutes' silence Buffy had managed to calm down a little.

"I used to believe that you would never hurt me, but now I'm having second thoughts." Angel broke, and feeling both guilty and hurt by Buffy's words, he approached her. Giles, Willow and Spike all stood their ground, watching Angel as he walked around the table and couch to Buffy. Then Riley stepped in front of her to protect her from Angel.

"Walk the other way." He instructed Angel. "Now."

"I have a right to explain myself to Buffy." Angel told him.

"I think you've explained quite enough." Riley shot back.

"Step aside."

"No."

"Move. Now." Angel demanded. Riley puffed up his chest in front of Angel, shifting his weight. He wasn't moving.

"I think you should leave."

"She deserves better than you." Angel whispered as he leant forward. "She can do much better." Riley raised his arm and swung at Angel, but Angel caught his wrist and stopped him. "Not here." He whispered. He forced Riley's arm back down to his side. Suddenly Buffy appeared between the two.

"Alright. There's enough testosterone flying here to power the whole town. Both of you go. Now." Buffy ordered. "I can't take all of this right now, not on top of everything else."

"Alright. We'll give you a few days Buffy. I'll come back here when I return again next weekend." Angel told her.

"You've been coming from L.A. each weekend?" Willow asked. "Does Cordelia know?" Angel's eyes darted nervously and he turned to leave.

"No." He grabbed Spike's wrist and pulled him out the door. "Come on Spike. We at least owe Buffy some time to think about this."

"I don't owe her anything." Spike complained, completely ignoring the fact that he'd already told Angel of his "slight" feelings towards Buffy. Angel gave him a look that said _don't even start_. _She deserves time to think so leave it alone_.

And then they left, leaving Buffy, Willow, Giles and Riley alone in the living room of Giles apartment.

Author's Note: Originally, I was going to have everyone (inc. Xander and Anya) but I didn't really want to write them in. I don't know much about how Anya talks, except that she's really upfront about everything and doesn't even try to sugar-coat stuff at all. Although I have developed a strange liking to Xander… he'll come in the next chapter. Okay… so Persistence of Memory… how do you like it so far? Nobody has fainted yet, but I'll try and write something in for the next chapter maybe. From your reviews, I see that you like it so far. And I tried using "speech marks"… did it work? Is that better?


	5. Chapter 5

I Hate to Love You 5

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Five: The Weekend After

It had been a week. Angel had returned to L.A. early the previous weekend, a day before he should have. He just couldn't be with Spike knowing how much he'd hurt Buffy. Spike understood and let him go, realising that they couldn't be happy unless Buffy approved. It was only now that he realised Buffy would never approve.

Spike lay in the bed alone early Friday morning. He heard Angel come in, but pretended to be asleep. He wanted to see if his lover was still interested, or whether his mind was still on Buffy.

Angel dropped his bag at the door and made his way over to the bed. He looked down at Spike sleeping, and sighed. He wasn't sure of his feelings at the present time; unsure of what Buffy would say when he saw her again the next day.

Approaching the bed, Angel knelt and leant down to his lover. "Spike." He whispered. Spike didn't open his eyes, but only stirred. Angel didn't know he was faking. He kissed Spike on the cheek and stood back up. He kicked off his shoes and unbuttoned his shirt, dropping it on the end of the bed. He climbed into bed with Spike and snuggled close under the covers. He felt Spike raise his arm and wrap it around his shoulders. This caused Angel to wriggle a little closer, and Spike to smile. He opened his eyes.

"Morning luv." He greeted.

"Morning Spike." Angel rested his head on Spike's chest. "How's your week been?" He felt Spike take a breath. An unnecessary breath.

"The Slayer came after me once, and once only." He replied.

"What makes you think that I want to know about Buffy?" Angel asked.

"Come on Angel, you and I both know that's all that your mind is on at the moment. Don't kid yourself." Spike sat up, making Angel move too. He lifted his head and rolled away before sitting up as well.

"Spike, I'll admit that she's on my mind but it's for a good reason. You're also on my mind, you know that."

"Who are you thinking about more right now?" Spike asked an impromptu question.

"You." Angel answered without hesitation. "Of course I'm thinking more about you, you're the reason I'm here."

"Prove it."

"What?" Angel asked.

"Prove that you're only thinking about me."

"How do I do that?"

"If you were thinking more about me and less about the Slayer, then that would be no problem for you. You're mind is somewhere else, and that means you're somewhere else." Spike, frustrated, got out of bed. In nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts, Angel watched him disappear into the bathroom and close the door. He heard banging and breaking, so he got out of bed and headed over to the closed door.

"Spike?" he called. The banging stopped. There was silence. "I'm sorry." Angel opened the door to find Spike leaning over the basin. He approached Spike and wrapped his hands around his lover's waist. Spike felt his cold fingers across his stomach as they clasped together over his bellybutton.

"I'll forgive you if you prove to me that I am all you're thinking about." Spike replied. Behind him, Angel grinned. He realised that he'd have to convince Spike, and he had about 5 hours until sunrise. With his hands already around Spike's waist, Angel began to walk backwards slowly. Spike allowed himself to be led backwards, unable to see what Angel was doing behind him.

"Close your eyes." Angel whispered into Spike's ear. Starting to play along, Spike did as he was instructed to. Angel stepped back, releasing Spike from his grip. He unbuckled his belt and unzipped his zipper, letting his pants fall to his ankles. Spike, with his eyes closed, listened to the sounds of his sire moving. He felt two hands on his waist as they fumbled to grab hold of the waistband of his boxers. He felt Angel pull them to the floor, before feeling Angel's hands on his back. They slid around his shoulders and down his arms. As one grasped his right arm, it violently spun him around. Still with his eyes closed, Spike stumbled for a second before he felt Angel drawing him towards what his best guess could be was the bed. Spike felt himself be spun around, and guessed that he now had his back to the bed. Knowing he was standing somewhere close to his own side of the bed, Spike was a little worried about Angel's next words. "Trust me. Fall back."

What was this? The trust test? Angel seriously wanted him to just fall back and rely on him to stop the fall? Sure, why not? Spike allowed himself to fully relax and almost let his body go limp as he slowly tipped backwards. He felt a hand behind his back and a hand on his chest that steadied him as he was lowered to the bed. He grinned, wondering why Angel was taking so much energy to get this right.

"What are you…?" Spike was stopped as a finger pressed against his lips.

"Keep your eyes closed." Angel instructed Spike. He did as he was asked as he felt Angel's hands on his hips, then lift off. As his eyes were closed, Spike couldn't see that Angel was preparing for sex. He'd applied some lubricant and was starting to calm Spike down.

He rubbed his hands over Spike's chest and leant down, kissing him on his face, his cheeks, his neck and his lips. Spike stayed with his eyes closed, allowing Angel to please him. He did ask for Angel to prove that Spike was the only thing on his mind, and Spike decided that this would do it.

He felt Angel sit up, no longer kissing him or touching him. He felt Angel take hold of his ankles and raise his legs into the air, flipping his hips backwards. Angel stood up and got himself into position. Spike moaned as he felt Angel enter him, and soon the two were moaning in time with each other in pleasure. They continued into the late hours in the morning as the sun began to rise.

Mid morning Angel woke. He knew that he had promised Buffy a visit this weekend, and after his night with Spike he didn't want to jump up and leave. He rolled over and began stroking his lover's blonde hair. Spike stirred and woke.

"I forgive you." He whispered. Angel smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Spike rolled over to face Angel. "You want to go to her, don't you?" he asked.

"Spike, I told her we'd be back this weekend. I'd feel much better if I knew that she approved of this."

"This?" Spike enquired.

"Us. I want her to be okay with it, because I feel as though I'm sneaking around behind her back." Angel explained.

"For God's sake Angel, you're not dating her anymore! It shouldn't matter, as long as you love me."

"But I do love you Spike, I do. It's just; Buffy has been a part of me for a long time. We were really close."

"She made you evil." Spike shot it opposition.

"Because I loved her. I still…" Angel stopped before he had dug the hole for his grave deep enough. Spike perked up at the sound of the start of his sentence.

"You still what Angel?" he asked. "Love her? Do you still love her?"

"In a different way than I love you Spike. I love her as an old friend, someone I'll always want to remember. I love you as the person I want in my life now, and forever, to be just mine. Do you see the difference?" Angel explained.

"But you love her." He repeated.

"Yes." Angel answered.

"Right. But you love me in a different way that is more important?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Angel was puzzled.

"You're fine with it now?" he asked.

"Well, not entirely. But at least I know where we stand now. If you want to go and see her, then we'll go and see her. Together." Angel was glad that Spike was so understanding.

"Thankyou Spike." He said. The two vampires got out of bed, dressed themselves and headed to the entrance to the sewers. They came up outside of Giles' apartment, where they hoped they would find Buffy. Pulling their jackets over their heads, they ran for the door, banging loudly as they arrived. Giles answered the door, and the two vampires rushed inside out of the sunlight.

"Sorry to just barge in like this, but I'd rather not stand out in the sun." Angel apologised.

"It's understandable Angel." Giles replied, closing the door. "You're looking for Buffy I presume?"

"Well, yeah." Angel answered, straightening up his jacket collar.

"She's not here at the moment. She said she'd swing by later on this morning for a de-briefing on what Willow and I found in those books." He pointed to a pile of brown leather books near a stack of others he was cataloguing on his bookshelf.

"_De-briefing_?" Angel asked, surprised by the language Giles was using.

"I've been hanging around Riley and his commando friends too much." Giles excused himself with a poor reason, which actually seemed to cover for him well.

'Riley." Angel growled through gritted teeth. "That over-hyped commando guy… is she with him?"

"Angel." Spike snapped. "You said you didn't love her that way." Giles watched on, interested in what the vampires had to say.

"I just don't want her to be with him. Surely _you_ don't like him."

"What? Me? No!" Spike quickly answered.

'Um, maybe you should come back later." Giles told them. "You know, when you're not about to want to rip out Riley's throat if you see him."

"That thought never crossed my mind, but I like it." Spike said.

"We don't want to hurt him Giles… okay, well maybe we do." Angel quickly changed his mind. "But we're not here for him. We're here for Buffy."

"I see." Giles sighed. "Well, Buffy's not here. Maybe you should just go. Come back in a few hours." He suggested.

"Where are we supposed to go?" Angel asked. "Back to the mansion? It takes half an hour to get there and back. Are you sure we can't just wait for her?"

"Well I have to go down to the store and buy some groceries, so you'll be here alone." Giles told them.

"You've got cable, right?" Spike asked, unable to remember from his previous stay where he was chained up in the bathtub.

"Yes, I have cable."

"We'll be just fine." A big grin appeared on Spike's face, and Giles just frowned.

"Alright. My guess is about three or four hours. I just hope there's something good on morning television for you two to watch. I'd rather not listen to your ramblings about Riley or Buffy."

"Thankyou Giles."

"Angel, I'm only doing this because you need to see Buffy about your uh… issues." Giles told Angel. "I'm not doing you a favour."

"I understand. Again, thankyou." Giles returned to filing his books on the bookshelf and left the two vampires to watch TV.

Author's Note: hehe… a little squabble… sex… more squabbling… hehe it's fun to write for these guys. What do you think of the latest update? I'll try and post some more in a few days. I finish school this week so I'll have 3 weeks off to write, write, write! BTW, maybe Giles would have questioned Angel and Spike instead of just letting them hang around with no particular reason other than they were waiting for Buffy… but I couldn't think of a way to write it in just yet and Giles is always so understanding that I thought it might work this way. Did it?


	6. Chapter 6

I Hate to Love You 6

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Six: Just a Fling or Something More?

Four Hours Later… 

The door to Giles' apartment opened slowly, the large wooden door creaking and making Spike and Angel aware that someone was home. The two vampires sat in front of the TV watching a midday soap opera that Spike liked, _Passions_.

"Oh you bloody idiot!" Spike shouted at the TV, ignoring the people arriving, possibly Buffy. "You know she doesn't love you so just get over it and move on! Stop wasting your breath!"

Buffy, Riley, Giles, Willow, Xander and Anya walked inside and heard Spike shouting, as Giles closed the door behind everyone.

"Ah Spike, good old Spike." Xander said sarcastically. "Don't you have somewhere_ else_ to be right now?"

"Uh Buffy, they came earlier looking for you." Giles explained. "I told them they could stay while I was out getting groceries. And then I bumped into you outside, and well, I didn't really get a chance to tell you they were here." Buffy was silent for a moment, watching the two vampires. As _Passions_ ended, Spike turned off the TV and they both got to their feet.

"Angel." Buffy greeted him with nothing but a nod. "Spike." She did the same for the blonde vampire whom she loathed with a passion.

"I told you I'd come back when you were uh… given a little more time to think about things." Angel told her.

"And now you're back." Buffy said.

"Yeah."

"And I've thought." She paused. "I think that you and I need to have a _private_ conversation outside." Angel was a little taken by surprise. He soon expressed why.

"Buffy, it's the middle of the day. The sun is out and as you know that doesn't suit vampires very well."

"I'm aware of that. Take the hint." Buffy sneered. Angel mouthed an _oh_ and shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Buffy, I can't tell you how sorry I am that you found out that way. I actually didn't really want you knowing."

"You told me that you always knew she'd find out." Spike jumped in, speaking to Angel. "You said you wanted 'er to approve of this."

"Spike…" Angel growled.

"What?"

"Shut up."

"Angel, you want me to _approve_ of this?" Buffy asked, shocked. "How can I approve of this? It isn't even my place to do that. You can't just drop this on me, I can't believe you!"

"Buffy, I said I was sorry." Angel began.

"So you keep saying…" Riley mumbled. It caught Angel's attention.

"You got something to say commando-boy?" Angel snarled.

"Yeah. I don't think you and Spike should stay here in Sunnydale. Buffy obviously doesn't want to deal with this, so I think neither of you should be here." Riley told him. "You can't honestly say that you think it would be a good idea for you to stay here, can you?"

"Do not even start…" Angel threatened.

"Alright, both of you stop it now." Giles snapped. "Buffy needs to make a decision for herself about this, without you two interfering."

"Giles is right, give her the opportunity to speak about how she feels instead of having you do it for her." Xander piped up.

"Guys, just stop for a second, okay?" Buffy spoke up. "Angel, what makes you think that I'll approve of this?"

"Nothing. Actually, I think that you _won't_ approve of this, but I would like it if you did. I wouldn't force you to, but just so you know, either way I'm staying with Spike."

"Then I'll tell you now that I don't approve. This is wrong and you can't ask me to suddenly be okay with it. You just can't."

"I understand Buffy. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry." She snapped. "I don't care how sorry you are, it doesn't change what's going on."

"I know, but I hate that you found out this way. Eventually, I was going to tell you, but for now I was happy with you not knowing."

"And what about us?" Willow piped up. "Did you want any of us to know about you sneaking around?"

"Willow, I'm…' Angel began.

"Stop saying that you're sorry dammit!" Riley shouted over Angel.

"Stay out of this!" Angel snapped back at Riley. "Willow, I never intended to hurt any of you."

"I didn't much care either way." Spike piped up. Angel shot him a look and he was silent again.

"I felt guilty sneaking around Buffy's back in _her_ town, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her what was going on."

"You're gay?" Anya asked unexpectedly.

"I'm what?" Angel asked.

"You're gay." Anya repeated. "You've been having sex with another man."

"Do you think you could just _not_ mention that An?" Xander asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand things. They're both men…"

"Anya!" Xander scolded.

"Sorry…" she whispered. Angel turned back to Buffy, who was pale and had a half-blank expression on her face.

"Anya is right, you're gay." She concluded.

"No I'm not." Angel protested.

"Then what do you call 'male-on-male action'?" Xander asked.

"I'm not gay!" Angel protested further. "Vampires share a bond with their sires." He began explaining. "I sired Drusilla and she sired Spike, so there is a connection between us. That is what is attracting us to each other."

"Can we not talk about male attraction please?" Xander asked again.

"Well, you asked…" Spike mumbled, smirking.

"Look, yes there is what you call 'male-on-male action' but I am not gay. I loved Buffy but still shared the connection with Spike that I have now."

"You were doing this while we were _dating_?" Buffy accused.

"What? No, that's not what I meant."

"How dare you! How dare you do that to me! I can't believe you'd…" Buffy wobbled a bit on her feet. Her face was as white as a sheet, and she began to feel dizzy.

"Buffy?" Angel asked, concerned. "Buffy?" As Angel repeated her name she slipped into unconsciousness. Riley, who was standing behind her, caught her as she fell and carried her over to the couch. He gently placed her down and Angel took her head and gently placed it on the cushions.

"Get away from her, you monster." Riley whispered harshly to Angel. "Leave. Now."

"Now you see, I can't do that." Angel said, standing up straight. He looked down at Buffy lying unconscious on the couch beside him. "I need to make sure she's okay."

"You need to get the hell out of here. Now." Riley corrected him.

"I said, I can't do that."

"Well guess what, you can now." Riley threw a strong punch that connected with Angel's jaw and made him stumble backwards.

"Hey!" Spike protested against Riley's actions. He stepped forward and swung a fist at Riley, which he caught and punched Spike in the nose. Spike stumbled and tripped over a small stack of books on the floor, falling backwards into the wall.

Angel had straightened himself up and was ready to go for Riley when he felt a hand on his right arm. He looked right to see a fist flying at his face that sent him sprawling to the floor and crashing into the edge of the couch. Angel cried out in pain, and the others watched on. Angel looked up at who had punched him. An angry Giles stared down at him.

"Get out now!" he yelled. "Go!" he threw open the door and reached down for Angel, pulling him to his feet by his coat collar. He forced Angel through the front door and out into the sunlight. Spike had got to his feet and Riley did the same with him, forcing him out into the sunlight with Angel. The two vampires tried to cover themselves with their coats as the door was slammed in their faces and they ran away.

"Bloody Giles, throwing us out." Spike grumbled as they slipped into the sewers. "I really ought to bite him."

"No biting." Angel snapped. "He had every right to throw us out. I need to talk with Buffy, alone."

"Angel, she doesn't approve, okay? Can we just forget about it and get back to our lives together?"

"Spike, this is a big deal, alright? I need to work through this with Buffy. It will take time, and we can't get started now because she's just not ready yet. I might have to stop coming for about two or three weeks to give Buffy time."

"Angel, you told me she wasn't as important to you as I was. Have you gone and changed that now?" Spike challenged.

"No, but I can't keep doing this knowing that its hurting her."

"Oh bollocks!" Spike cried. "Bugger it, just forget about her. She'll come 'round, and if she doesn't then that's it, she just _doesn't_. It's up to her mate, you just gotta let her be."

"Spike, it's not that simple."

"Sure it is!"

"Spike, I'm telling you it's not. I _need_ to talk to her about this, and I need time to myself and she needs time to herself. So that we can both think about this."

"What is there to think about? Unless you're thinking of breaking it off…"

"No!" Angel protested. "God Spike, I do love you. It's just, Buffy is special. There's something about her that I just feel as though I have to protect her. You wouldn't understand."

"Yeah, right. Whatever. Are you gonna be staying tonight then?" Spike asked.

"Yeah. So far Cordelia, Wes and Gunn don't know a thing, so I can stay away for probably another day but then I should get back to L.A."

"Right."

"As long as they don't know, things will be a little bit easier with Buffy."

Back at Giles' apartment… 

Giles handed the phone to Willow. "Dial the number to get Cordelia." He instructed her. She dialled the number and handed the phone back to him. He pressed the phone to his ear as it rung.

"Hello, Angel Investigations we help the helpless. How may we help you?" Cordelia's cheery voice spoke through the phone.

"Cordelia, it's Rupert Giles."

"Giles?" Cordelia almost screamed. "Oh my God! How is everyone?"

"Actually, that's what I need to talk to you about. Did you know that Angel is here in Sunnydale?"

"What? No."

"I think you should come here. Right away." Giles told her.

"Uh, sure. I'll tell Wesley. We'll be there in a few hours."

A/N: The L.A. crew have been called in. Uh-oh… Even though Anya and Xander were not there for the previous argument in Giles apartment in chapter 4, I just made it as though everybody told them what happened so they kinda knew before this meeting… Anyway, what do you think?


	7. Chapter 7

I Hate to Love You 7

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Seven: Everybody Knows

Early the next morning before the sun had risen Angel was packing his bag, preparing to head back to L.A. He tried not to wake Spike, but moving created a lot of noise.

"You leaving now?" Spike asked drowsily.

"Yeah." Angel answered. "I'll be back in a few weeks, I need some time. Do you mind?" Angel stopped packing his bag and watched Spike.

"I understand Angel. I know what this means to you." Angel smiled thankfully and looked back down at his bag on the bed.

"I regret that things have gone this far, but I need some space… and Buffy needs some space. Just two or three weeks, tops. I might drive down here for a day or so to see you… in a little while."

"That'd be great. Do me a favour, throw me my jeans." Spike sat up in bed, ready to catch his pants as Angel threw them over. He got dressed and pulled on his black t-shirt before walking round the bed to Angel.

"I'm sorry Spike." Angel told him. "You're getting caught up in everyone's feelings, especially mine and Buffy's."

"You seem to like saying sorry a lot mate." Spike teased.

"It's because I am. This is all so complicated. I just wish everything could go back to how it was _before_ Buffy and everybody else knew. Or if Buffy could just say that she's okay with this, then I'd be happy."

"Angel, just take the time you need to work through this. Come back when you're ready, and hopefully Buffy will be too." Spike leaned in and kissed his vampire lover goodbye, and Angel locked lips with him and embraced him for their final kiss for a long time.

"Spike, just know that I still love you. I always will." Angel still held Spike's arms.

"Yeah, I love you too Angel. Just go before the sun comes up. I'll see ya round." Spike smiled and looked into his sire's eyes, seeing the struggle Angel was hiding inside. Suddenly the front door flew open and a gust of wind blew into the room. "Who's there?" Spike yelled. He and Angel exchanged worried glances.

"Giles!" came a familiar male voice. He appeared at the doorway to the bedroom and stared at the two vampires. They both sighed heavily; relieved it was a mutual party come to visit them and not somebody like Riley.

"Hi." Angel greeted him.

"I'm sorry about earlier Angel." Giles apologized. "You're really hurting Buffy with this. She's been thrown off all week; she appears to be… distracted, for lack of a better word. And her Slayer abilities are weakened because of it."

"Giles, I never meant to do this, you must know that."

"Yes Angel, I know that you never meant to hurt anyone but you have. And I'm sorry that I had to do this, but I've called in Cordelia, Wesley and your friend Gunn from L.A. They'll be here within the hour."

"You what?" Angel exclaimed. "You're going to tell them?"

"No, actually _you're_ going to tell them. Angel you've been lying to them. Do you not feel guilty?"

"I've already explained to Buffy how guilty I felt about doing all this behind everybody's back. I really don't want them knowing… it would be, awkward. I have to work with them 7 days a week, and be around them both in office hours and non-office hours." Angel explained.

"Angel, it's for the best. You cannot keep lying to people about this, especially not the people closest to you. Tell them, they'll be here in about ten to fifteen minutes."

"Oh God, we have to tell Cordelia and Wesley?" Spike groaned. "The British ponce and the high-school cheerleader. Although, Cordelia was looking rather nice last time I saw her…"

"Spike!" Angel slapped his arm.

"Hey, only teasing mate."

"Not funny. I don't want to tell them, and neither do you. But by the sounds of it, we have to. Now we have to work out something to say."

Giles began backing out before slipping in an idea, "the truth would be nice."

Fifteen minutes later… 

"Angel?" came Cordelia's sweet voice. "Are you in there?" Angel and Spike were sitting on the edge of the bed, still not prepared to leave the room. Spike had his arm around Angel's shoulder comforting the older vampire as he stared blankly across the room awaiting his unknown fate.

Would they want to stake him? Would they want to stake Spike? What would they think? Would they ever trust him again after he lied to them? Angel could only contemplate what would happen as he awaited their arrival, and he was so busy thinking that he didn't even hear when Cordelia called out.

"In here luv!" Spike called out to her, not removing his arm. Angel still hadn't moved.

"Spike?" Cordelia yelled back, sounding surprised. She appeared at the door and saw Spike sitting next to Angel on the bed with his arm around Angel's shoulder. "Oh my god, get away from him!" She shouted. She lunged at Spike, pulling him to his feet then pushing him away from Angel. She sat down on the bed next to him, and only then did he register that she was actually in the room. "Angel…" Cordelia whispered softly. Gunn and Wesley appeared at the door, and caught sight of Spike.

"Spike." Wesley breathed the word as if it were a sin to speak it. His voice was so deep and he spoke with such a growl that Spike felt threatened by him. But of course, he did not show it.

"Wesley." He said proudly. As Angel looked up at Cordelia, he whispered her name back to her.

"Cordy…"

"Gunn." Gunn stepped in, the only name not spoken yet. Then there was silence. Cordelia and Angel looked at each other, speechless for a few seconds.

"What is going on here?" Cordelia finally demanded. "Giles said you had something important to tell us, and that was why you're here in Sunnydale."

"Uh, yeah." Angel answered. He paused.

"Well come on bro, spill. What's the 411?" Gunn asked.

"Spike and I have something to tell you. Buffy and the others found out the wrong way, and I guess Giles didn't want the same thing to happen to you. _I_ don't want the same thing to happen to you. You guys mean a lot to me, and I would never try to hurt you, you know that right?" He eyed each of his friends as they stared back at him, a little confused.

"All right Angel, what did you do?" Cordelia asked.

"I didn't do anything… much." Angel replied.

"What does it have to do with Spike?" Wesley inquired. "At least tell us that much."

"Spike and I are…" Angel began. He looked over at Spike, who was looking down at his shoes. He raised his head as he felt Angel's eyes on him.

"Come on mate, just tell them." Spike told Angel. "They gotta find out some time."

"Gotta find out what?" Gunn demanded.

"What are you two hiding Angel?" Wesley added.

"Together." Angel answered them.

"Together?" Cordelia repeated Angel's response as a question.

"Spike and I are together."

Gunn and Wesley had to grip the doorframe as they were taken completely by surprise. They weren't expecting this sort of thing from Angel of all people. Cordelia slowly pushed herself off the bed and paced beside the bed for a few minutes. After the silence, Spike spoke.

"Well don't everyone congratulate us at once." He grinned at Angel. Cordelia shot him a look of annoyance before turning to face Angel.

"How could you?" she cried, slapping him across the cheek. "He's and evil vampire! And plus, male!"

"I know, I know, I…" Angel was lost for words.

"You've been doing it with that vamp?" Gunn asked straight-out, eyeing Spike threateningly.

"Gunn, please…" Angel feared something bad was about to happen.

"You're dust." Gunn said to Spike.

"Hey!" Spike cried out defensively as Gunn reached into his jacket and produced a stake. "It wasn't all me. And besides, we can't help it. It's just the way things went, it's the way things _are_."

Gunn stopped. "How long has this been going on?" Wesley asked Angel.

"A few months, four tops." He replied.

"_Months_?" Cordelia cried. "_Months_? What are you, stupid? You're both enemies!"

"Cordy, please…"

"Don't _Cordy please_ me mister, you've been sneaking around behind our backs with him!" she pointed menacingly at Spike.

"Hey!" he cried again defensively. "Look, vampires are different to humans." He began explaining.

"Yeah, you guys are just dust waiting to happen." Gunn chimed in. Angel shot him a look, which he returned with a stern look of disapproval and disgust.

"We share a connection with our sires. Something… close. That's what's drawing Angel and I together. That's why we've been meeting here."

"Angel, what exactly do you and Spike do when you _meet here_?" Wesley asked.

"Do I really have to explain?"

"Actually, I think I'd rather _not_ have a visual thanks." Cordelia piped up.

"Guys, I was actually hoping you wouldn't make a big deal out of this." Angel said.

"_Not_ make a big deal out of this?" Cordelia cried. "How can we not, it _is_ a big deal."

"Cordelia's right Angel, we can't ignore this. You've been secretly meeting with an evil vampire for months without anyone knowing. You've been lying to everyone around you and I should think that you know more than us what a dangerous vampire Spike is."

"Wesley, it's more than that. It's a bond between us. It's something that we can't describe, that we can't ignore. I don't expect you to understand, I just want the same thing from you that I do from Buffy and the others."

"And what exactly is that Angel?" Gunn asked.

"Acceptance. I want to know if you're okay with this."

"What do you think our answer is going to be?" Cordelia asked. Angel looked at her plainly showing that he _knew_ what their answer would be.

"Please, just go. Go back to L.A. and think about this. Think about what I've told you, and try to work out if you'll be okay with this."

"Gee, I'm thinkin' no." Gunn answered quickly. "I'm thinkin' that if I dust Spike here then there'll be no problem anymore."

"Then I'd have to kill you." Angel snapped.

"And here's you wanting us to accept your 'relationship'. It's not going to happen with you threatening us." Wesley said.

"Please, go. And think about this; Spike and I share something that few ever get to. We understand each other, and we're happy when we're together. The bond we share, it just keeps us close. It constantly brings us closer to each other. It's a connection that no one other than us can understand. We feel it, and it's strong. It holds us together so we don't stray from what we have to do. And we do those things together."

Cordelia shuddered. "Eww." Together wasn't something she wanted to think about when it came to Angel and Spike.

"It's something primal I'd say." Spike elaborated on Angel's explanation. "It's something we can feel, but not see. It's a force that helps us understand _everything_ about the other person. It's the closest bond a person can ever share with another and it's something more than life, more than death; it exceeds those. It's something massive, and it comes from the heart."

"Spike, you don't have a heart." Cordelia said coldly. Spike swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Like you'd know." Spike shot back.

"Your heart is a dried up piece of rock sitting inside your dead body!" she yelled.

"But it's still there, isn't it?" Spike finished. Cordelia couldn't answer.

"Guys!" Angel broke up the petty squabbling. "I can't take this. We all need time to think about this. I need time, Buffy needs time and you need time to work through this. I'm going to go; don't bother looking for me. I'll come back when I think everyone will be ready."

"Angel, no." Spike cried, desperately trying to change his lover's mind.

"Spike, I need this. Please."

"But I need you." Angel broke.

"Then I'll come back for you." He offered. Spike nodded, accepting the compromise.

Cordelia shuddered again. "This is so wrong…" she murmured. "… So wrong." Angel picked up his bag and walked past Cordelia, approaching the doorway where Gunn and Wesley stood. They stepped aside to let him through without saying a word. He didn't even look back as he trudged out to his car. Gunn, Wesley, Cordelia and Spike listened as the car started up, then as it drove off.

Gunn looked over at Spike who looked up into his eyes. "Gone." Spike said quickly, rushing out the other door leading into a back room, then outside. Wesley shook his head.

"I can't believe this."

"Under our noses for four months." Cordelia added.

"Bastard. I'm gonna kill that vampire." Gunn menaced.

"Wait, which one?" Cordelia asked.

"Does it matter?"

"Gunn, you can't kill them. Let's just give it some time, who knows, maybe in a few weeks we'll be over this." Wesley suggested.

"Right. And pigs can fly." Gunn left and Wesley waited as Cordelia looked around the room for a few seconds before they followed Gunn out to the car. They drove off, heading back to L.A.

Elsewhere, on the road to nowhere in particular… 

Angel pulled out his cell phone and dialled a number. It rang three times before someone picked up.

"Hello?" Came a surprisingly high but all-too-familiar male's voice.

"Willy, it's Angel. I need a place to stay for a while."

"You hiding from something buddy? Or someone?"

"Willy, can you get me a place to stay or not?" Angel snapped impatiently.

"Oh sure, anything for you Angel. I'm always willing to help old friends." He chuckled uneasily into the phone.

"I'm not your friend."

A/N: Yeah, that's Willy from the bar in Sunnydale. He and Angel go way back, and I needed someone for Angel to call. At least, somebody who wouldn't kill him. So anyway, another chapter is up, and now everybody knows. Just as the title says. So how about reviews?


	8. Chapter 8

I Hate to Love You 8

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Eight: Contact

Three weeks later… 

Angel had been staying in a nice little place, underground since he'd last spoken to Cordelia, Gunn, Wesley and Spike. He had been keeping an eye on them all, Spike in particular, and was surprised to find that Buffy actually talked to him. It wasn't much, maybe once or twice, but she wasn't completely blocking him out. There was still a chance she'd come round.

That was several days ago. Angel was tired of being alone. He told Spike that he'd come back, but he hadn't yet. He was afraid, more than anything, of running into Buffy and her not being ready to talk. So he asked Willy to send for Spike.

"Spike?" Willy asked. "Hey, we're not exactly the best of buddies. And by the way, why do you want him here anyway? Don't you hate each other?"

"Willy, just do as I ask, okay?" Angel snapped.

"Yeah, sure man, whatever." Willy asked one of his regulars to make a trip to Sunnydale and return with Spike. He had to offer free alcohol for two months, but the demon accepted.

Sunnydale… 

Spike was lonely. Buffy had come to him twice in the three weeks Angel had been gone, and even then they hardly spoke. He had basically stayed in the mansion ever since Angel left, and only killed demons that came close or when he went out to buy blood.

He sat by the fire reading one of Angel's books when he heard rapping on the door. His first thought was _Angel_, but he was disappointed to find it was just a demon.

"Great, now I gotta kill you." He said, annoyed.

"I was sent for Spike." The demon said. "Are you Spike?"

"Yeah, who's asking?"

"Angel."

"Oh." Spike followed him out to a black van parked in the street. They travelled two hours out to an empty road that led down to the place Angel was staying. The ruins of an old church, unused for hundreds of years. Angel found it to give him plenty of space to do whatever he pleased. But after one or two exercises, the place was even more in ruins than when he came.

Angel heard the van pull up outside and headed into the entry hall. He opened the door slowly to find Spike standing at the door with the demon by his side.

"Spike." Angel said happily, glad to see the blonde vampire.

"Angel. Oh, thank God. I've missed you so much." Spike stepped up and hugged Angel. He held on tightly, surprised at how he was acting. At this thought he stepped back.

"It's nice to see you too Spike." He turned to the demon. "Thankyou."

"Whatever, I got free beer outta this man." The demon laughed as he returned to his van. Angel stepped aside and held the door open for Spike. He smiled and entered, turning to face Angel as he closed the door.

"How've you been?" Spike asked.

"Oh, good. You?"

"Yeah, not bad I guess. Buffy came round a few times. Didn't talk much. I don't know if she's quite ready to see you yet. Her slaying still seems to be a bit off, if you know what I mean."

"Yes Spike, I've been keeping tabs on her. And on Wes, Cordy and Gunn in L.A." Angel told him.

"What about me? Were you keeping tabs on me?" Spike enquired. Angel took a step towards Spike and wrapped his arms around Spike's shoulders.

"I wouldn't have been able to stay away for so long if I didn't." He rested his head on Spike's shoulder for a few seconds before drawing back and kissing Spike.

"Oh God how I've missed that." Spike gasped, pulling away. Angel grinned.

"Anything else you've missed?" He asked seductively.

"You got a bed in this place?"

"This way." Angel led Spike through a hallway to the left of the entry hall and into a small room that looked like where a priest may prepare before a sermon. Angel took him through another doorway and into another room, about half the size of the previous one. In the middle of the room was a four-post-bed, with red trimmings and burgundy everything else.

"Nice. Where'd you find this beauty?" Spike enquired.

"Willy."

"_Willy_? As in, Willy the bartender?" Spike was a little shocked that it was Willy Angel turned to for help.

"Yeah."

"And he got you this place?" Angel nodded in response to Spike's question. "I should've been nicer to him. He might've fixed me up with somethin' nicer when I first came to Sunnydale."

"Let's not dwell on the past, Spike." Angel said. "Come on, come to bed." They kicked off their shoes, removed their shirts and pulled back the covers, climbing in. Angel lay on his back and Spike rested his head on Angel's chest.

"I missed you sire." He whispered. Angel kissed him on the top of the head.

"Yeah, I missed you too."

The next day… 

Angel woke to find Spike's head and right arm resting on his chest. He smiled, and the younger vampire remained asleep. After a few minutes of lying in bed enjoying being with Spike again, Angel had the sudden urge to make him breakfast. He knew that neither of them had to eat to survive, but he thought it would be a nice treat for Spike having to come out all this way.

He gently rolled Spike over and left him sleeping as he slipped out to a little kitchen he'd discovered within the first two days of staying there. He'd asked Willy to supply him with blood and the day he sent for Spike he asked for some proper food to be brought in. Willy did as he was asked, and Angel had a reasonably well-stocked fridge.

He pulled out some cheese and some butter, grabbing the loaf of bread on the counter. He opened the grill on the oven and switched it on, waiting for it to heat up. He put four slices of bread under the grill and let them cook for a few minutes before turning them over. He then laid a slice of cheese on each piece of bread and stuck them back under the grill.

Spike had smelt something cooking, and had woken up. He was almost going to get out of bed and investigate when he heard Angel coming back. He pretended to be asleep, listening to Angel as he walked into the room and approached Spike's side of the bed.

"Spike…" Angel whispered. "Spike." He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes. "Good morning." Angel greeted him.

"Dammit Angel, you made me breakfast?" Spike said happily. "When do you _ever_ make me breakfast?"

"Well you don't actually have to eat, but I thought it would be nice to make you something since you came all the way out here for nothing."

"Hey, I didn't come for nothing." Spike quickly corrected him. "I came for you." Angel smiled appreciatively and handed him a plate of melted cheese on toast. "Come on, get back into bed."

A week later… 

After a week together, Spike and Angel decided that maybe it was time they returned to Sunnydale. Angel was ready when he sent for Spike, but he knew inside that Buffy was not. He only hoped that now she was, because as much as he didn't want to bother her, he wanted to know how she felt. He also wanted to know about his friends back in L.A. so he had plans to drive back to them after stopping back into Sunnydale to see Buffy.

"Home, sweet home." Spike said as they rolled into Sunnydale in the early hours of the morning. Angel looked at him funny for a second before returning his eyes to the road. It was 3:47am and Angel had his headlights off, so as not to alert anyone that they were returning. As if anyone could tell it was them anyway, from inside the car.

"We'll wait until sunrise before heading over to Giles' place." Angel told Spike.

"No objections here. I get more time with you. Alone." Spike relaxed back in the passenger seat as they approached the old mansion.

"Come on." Angel parked his car under a tree on the grass, where it would be shaded during most of the morning. They'd get to Giles' by the sewers, but then Angel had to go to L.A. and see Cordy, Wes and Gunn. He wondered how they were doing.

As Spike and Angel made their way inside, they found that it was almost exactly how Spike had left it when he came to Angel a week earlier. It was clear that somebody had been in, but the two thought nothing of it and ignored the fact that it might have been something else. They just assumed it was Buffy or one of the other Scoobies.

"Hey!" Came a voice from behind them. "Get out of my place!" A man stepped into the entry hall from the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom.

"Excuse me?" Spike spat. "Your place? We were here long before you mate." The man shook his head.

"No, I've been here for several days now and I have never seen you here. If you lived here, then why weren't you here this past week?"

"I was visiting my friend here, and now I'm back." Spike explained. He advanced on the man.

"Spike." Angel called calmly. He stopped and spun around. "Human." Spike rolled his eyes and turned back to the man.

"I'll give you a few minutes to grab you're stuff, then you're outta here." He ordered. "This is _our_ place, and you don't get to live here until both of us are dead."

"No problem." The man picked up an axe that was leaning against one of the walls and raised it high ready to attack.

"Who the hell are you?" Spike demanded.

"Demon hunter. And _you_ would be the demon." He swung the axe and Spike ducked, but was caught out by a kick. He fell to the floor and Angel stepped in. He grabbed the axe and threw it away, pushing the man back.

"What's. Your. Name?" He said between punches as he pummelled the guy's face. He backed up against the wall and Angel stopped.

"Lindsey." The guy spat out a mouthful of blood.

"_Lindsey_," Angel repeated, "I think you should leave now."

"No gonna happen." Lindsey swung a fist that connected with Angel's jaw, and he stumbled away. Angel grabbed him by the shoulders and hurled him across the room and over the couch. He landed painfully with a crunch on the stone floor.

"This is not a good place to fight." Angel said. "Stone floors really hurt." Spike got to his feet and approached Lindsey, who was knocked unconscious as he lay against the edge of the step. He picked Lindsey up and dragged him out the door, lying him down on the grass before heading back inside. He bolted the door shut and looked down at Angel.

"I suppose we should clean up the place a bit." Angel suggested, looking around. A few things had been bumped in the fight, so for the next little while they began fixing up the things that were either moved or misplaced during Lindsey's stay.

After sunrise, Spike and Angel made their way to Giles' apartment through the sewer system. They popped up in the courtyard outside the door at about 8:30am and hid in the shadows while they waited for someone to answer the door.

After a few taps, Giles opened the door and found the two vampires staring back at him from outside. "Morning." Spike greeted.

"Yes, early morning." Giles replied. "I rather like my sleep. Why are you here, and so early?"

"It's 8:30 Giles, and we're here because we want to know if Buffy is ready yet." Angel said.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure." Giles began explaining. "She's been doing better at slaying in the past week or so but she's still been very secretive of what's been happening with her feelings. Unless she's said something to Willow or Xander, I really couldn't tell you how she's handling your… news."

"Thanks Giles. Maybe if we spoke to Willow then?" Angel suggested.

"They'll be here in a few hours." Giles quickly added, "and no, you're not staying until then. You can go home and come back at about 11. We're doing some research on a demon that attacked Buffy two nights ago."

"Is she alright?" Spike asked, knowing that Angel would be concerned. Strangely, he was a little concerned himself.

"She's alright, as far as I know." Giles answered. "I saw her yesterday and she sported nothing but a scratch on her arm. She said she felt a bit funny after the demon cut her, but she's all right. Don't worry, really. She'll be fine. Come back in a few hours, okay? Let me sleep." Angel nodded and led Spike away, hearing the latch on the door click shut behind them.

"Honestly, who sleeps in this late?" Spike commented as the disappeared back into the sewers.

A/N: Another chapter up. Hmm… this one I think is just setting up for a regrouping. Should Angel go to L.A. straight after seeing Buffy or wait a day or so? They've had the same amount of time as Buffy to think it all over, so they should probably get a visit soon before they start having second thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

I Hate to Love You 9

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Nine: Buffy

It had been about four hours and Angel was eager to leave the mansion so he could finally go and see Buffy. She _had_ to be at Giles' by now.

"Spike, time to go." Angel said, walking in on Spike in the shower.

"Oh come on Angel, give me five minutes to get dressed, all right?" Angel grizzled and moaned before agreeing to give Spike a few minutes. He honestly couldn't expect Spike to go in the state he was in. He had no clothes on because he was in the shower, his hair was crazy and wet and he smelt too strongly of Angel's fancy shampoo and conditioner to _not_ get a glance from anyone.

Closer to ten minutes later Spike emerged from the bathroom to find Angel pacing around in the entry hall. He looked up to see Spike at the doorway to the bedroom.

"I swear you're like a woman getting ready." Angel teased.

"Hey, I just like to look smart, all right?" Spike protested.

"What does it matter to you?" Angel asked. "You're an evil vampire _and_ you can't see yourself anyway."

"That doesn't mean I can't make an effort."

"You look great whenever I see you Spike, don't worry about it." Angel praised him. "Now come on, we have to catch Buffy before she leaves Giles' place."

At Giles' apartment… 

The front door was in partial shade so Angel and Spike managed to actually stand there and wait for someone to answer without burning up. The door opened and they were greeted by a happy and bouncy Willow.

"Oh, hi guys." She smiled warmly, having mostly forgotten the news she and the others had received a few weeks earlier from the two vampires standing before her.

"Hi Willow." Angel greeted. She then remembered why Angel and Spike were there, and turned to look over her shoulder for a second.

"Buffy's kind of busy at the moment." She tried to stall, knowing that Buffy was actually in Giles' bathroom vomiting after the demon attack that Giles had explained to them all earlier.

"Do you know when she _won't_ be busy?" Angel inquired. "You have to understand, I need to see her."

"Oh Angel, I understand, really. I know that you want to see her and I know that she is actually ready to see you now, but she's not… _right_ now. Not right this moment." Willow tried to explain.

"Where is she?" Spike asked.

"Bathroom."

"Bathroom? What, is she showering or something?"

"Vomiting, actually." Willow answered.

"Is she all right?" Angel asked, concerned.

"A demon attacked her a couple of nights ago and she's been a little off."

"Giles told us." Angel quickly moved on and repeated his question more sternly. "Is she all right?"

"She's just a bit sick, that's all. Wait, you spoke to Giles?"

"We came by earlier but he was the only one here."

"You seem to drop in at the most inappropriate times Angel, has anyone ever told you that?"

"Actually, how I remember it, I always used to show up at the exact time I was needed." Angel corrected her. She rolled her eyes.

"Well, I guess you should come inside and wait for her to come out." Willow stepped aside and the two vampires ducked under a ray of sunlight and went inside.

"Ah, Angel and Spike." Xander greeted them. He and Anya were sitting on the couch snuggling while Giles stood on the other side of the coffee table holding a brown leather book in one hand and his glasses in the other. They all looked at Angel and Spike as Willow closed the door and sat on the arm of the lounge beside Xander.

"Giles, you didn't say that Buffy was sick." Angel spoke directly to him as he placed his glasses back on his nose.

"Well I didn't know until Buffy came by. I hope you don't expect me to be telling you everything Angel."

"I just want to watch out for her." Angel told him. Spike huffed beside him. "What?" Angel turned to the blonde vampire.

"What? I didn't say anything." Spike protested.

"You did that thing that you do when you're annoyed at something I'm doing." Angel explained to him. "What, don't you _want_ me to look out for Buffy?"

"I didn't say that." Spike wasn't allowed to finish.

"It's not up to you Spike."

"Hey, calm down mate." Spike stopped him. "I really didn't mean anything by it. It's just uncomfortable for me to be here. I don't give a piss about these guys, I really don't." He gestured to the people around the room. "I don't have a soul, remember? The only reason I'm here is 'cause of you."

"Spike…" Angel began.

"Don't. Just… don't." Spike held up his hand to silence his partner. "I know what this means to you; what _she_ means to you. I'll stay quiet as long as we don't have to stay here long. Just talk to Buffy, sort out what needs to be sorted out and then we'll leave these buggers to themselves."

"Spike, I need to make sure she's okay." Angel told him. "I understand that you don't want anything to do with them, but they're my friends. I've known them for the whole time I've known Buffy and they've always been supportive of the two of us."

"And you told me that there was nothing between you two." Spike interjected.

"And there's not. I just… I have to protect her. I'm not her boyfriend anymore, I know that, but I still feel a need to watch over her and keep her safe. Now that I know she's not well I have to help."

"Angel, if you want you can go in to see Buffy now and Spike can stay out here." Willow suggested.

Angel nodded. "Yeah. Stay here Spike, and please behave."

"Hey, I won't bite anyone. Promise." Spike placed his hand over his chest where his beating heart would have been, swearing to Angel that he wouldn't harm anyone.

"Great, leave us with the one _without_ a soul." Xander grizzled. Everyone except Anya shot him a look to tell him to shut up.

Angel disappeared down the hall and found the bathroom door closed. He knocked softly on the pale green wood and waited for Buffy's response. He couldn't hear any regurgitating noises so he assumed that everything was quiet for the moment. He opened the door slightly and stuck his head around.

Buffy sat in the corner of the bathroom, between the toilet and the wall. She had her knees tucked up to her chest and had a blanket wrapped around her.

"Buffy?" Angel opened the door wide and rushed to her side. "Buffy, are you all right?" Her eyes were red and her face was extremely pale.

"I'm sick." She managed to wheeze. Angel lifted her chin up and looked into her eyes. She was distant, distracted and seemed to hardly notice him in the room at all.

"Buffy." He spoke loudly. "Buffy. Can you hear me?" She looked at him blankly and he gently laid her head against the wall. He began easing her into his arms before he carried her out the door and into Giles' bedroom. He gently placed her down on his bed and returned to the bathroom for a face towel, which he ran under warm water before wringing out.

He returned to her side and spread the face towel across her forehead and left again to get a bucket in case she was going to be sick again. He went back in and sat by her side.

"Buffy." He whispered softly. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand." He took hold of her hand and held it loosely, waiting for her to grip it. She didn't move, only lay there with her eyes open as she weakly breathed out. Angel headed back out.

"Angel." Giles saw him emerge. "Did you speak with Buffy?" Angrily, Angel approached Giles and stood not two centimetres away from his face.

"What is wrong with her?" He demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Giles asked.

"What is wrong with her!" Angel repeated, his voice rising to a yell. "She is not even moving, and barely breathing. Tell me what happened to her, now." Willow rushed past Angel and in to Buffy in Giles' room.

"Buffy was attacked by a demon two nights ago, like I told you this morning." Giles began. "She came to me yesterday and told me about it and that she felt a little off. She said she felt nauseous, irritated and often felt as if she were in the wrong place, even though she was where she was meant to be."

"What do you mean?" Angel asked.

"Yesterday when she came to me here, she thought that we were both at the Magic Box. She was completely out of it. I sent her home to get some rest and told her to come back today and hopefully I'd have something on the demon that attacked her."

"And what have you got?"

"Not much. The demon is a Gn'ashmcklav demon and from what I understand it must have cut Buffy with its poison stinger. I'm still searching through my books for an antidote."

"Well search harder." Angel threatened. Willow came back out from seeing Buffy and caught the attention of everyone in the room with her news."

"Giles, she's unconscious."

A/N: I just started writing and for some strange reason this story began to develop a twist in this particular chapter. Interesting. If people think it's a little off the main story then I'll change this chapter and repost it, but this seems like it's doing well enough with a new little twist. And yes, cliffhanger. I thought I'd give it a go and see how it worked. I'll update soon for those who hate to wait. :P


	10. Chapter 10

I Hate to Love You 10

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Ten: Healing Buffy

"_Unconscious_?" Angel cried. "She was awake just a minute ago."

"Perhaps I should take a look at her." Giles offered. As he turned to head down the hall, Angel grabbed his arm and spun him around. They exchanged fierce gazes for a few seconds before Giles spoke. "Let go of me."

"Help her. Tell me what's wrong with her." Angel whispered. In his voice were tones of fear and anxiety. Spike approached just as Angel sat down on the edge of Giles' desk and took hold of Angel's hand.

"Hey, I'm sure she'll be all right." He sympathised. He didn't really, but Angel fell for it. He wasn't entirely with it because of his worry for Buffy.

Giles found her lying unconscious on his bed, a warm cloth on her forehead and a bucket by her side. Willow had entered the room with him, and the two could only look down at the Slayer as she lay helpless and vulnerable.

"We have got to find that antidote." Giles said to Willow. "I don't know how much longer Buffy will be able to last."

"Do you even know what it's doing to her?" Willow asked. Giles looked up at her, waited a few seconds then answered.

"No."

Out in the living room, Angel had picked up one of Giles' books and was researching the Gn'ashmcklav demon. As he flipped through the few pages in one book, he noticed another lying open on the desk. He picked it up and scanned quickly through the text, discovering a way to cure Buffy.

"Giles!" he shouted loudly. Giles and Willow emerged at the kitchen arch and Angel jumped up, running over with the book in his hands. "It's here." He pointed to a spot in the text.

"The antidote." Giles removed his glasses and looked up at Angel.

"Cure her." Angel commanded. "Don't let her suffer."

"Willow." Giles turned to the young redhead beside him, scribbling down some things on a piece of paper. "GO and get these things from the Magic Box. Quickly." He handed her the piece of paper and she left immediately, grabbing her coat on the way out the door.

"Giles, how long is it going to take to make her better?" Angel asked.

"I don't know. I'll work as quickly as I can. Angel, I know what Buffy means to you but you have to remember that she is no longer with you." Angel was silent. "Buffy has moved on, and clearly, so have you." He was referring to Spike, yet the blond took no notice.

"Giles, that doesn't mean I can't still care for her. She will _always_ be a part of me, no matter what." Giles nodded, understanding but not really caring. He was only focussed on Buffy and nothing else.

_**45 minutes later…**_

Willow returned with all the ingredients on the list. She burst through the door, reaching up to hang her coat back up on the stand but missing and not even taking notice as it fell to the floor.

"Giles, I got everything." Willow told Giles as she handed him the ingredients and he spread them out on the kitchen counter.

"Good. Thankyou, Willow." Giles picked up the book and read the 'recipe'. He placed the objects into the order they were mixed together and then got a large pot out of the cupboard. It was black, rusty and looked almost as old as Spike and Angel. He glanced back down at the book, paused, and turned to look at Angel.

"What?"

"There's one more ingredient." He announced.

"So what? Get it then."

"All right." Giles reached into the kitchen drawer and pulled out a knife.

"What the heck is that for?" Spike asked.

"The blood of an impure is the last ingredient." Giles told them. "That is, a demon. Angel, Spike or Anya; who's it going to be?"

"Me." Angel quickly spoke before anyone else had a chance to speak, even before Giles had finished talking. He knew that he was the one who had to give the blood. He had to do it for Buffy.

"Hold out your arm please." Giles instructed. Angel did as he was told and watched as Giles sliced into his flesh and tilted his arm so the blood trickled out. He held Angel's arm over the pot and waited until a sufficient amount of blood had been added. Angel drew back his arm and looked down at the wound, wondering how he could stop the bleeding without grossing anybody out.

"You got a towel?" Angel inquired. Giles knew what he could use and grabbed the tea towel sitting on the cupboard. Angel pressed it on the wound and held it there, waiting for the bleeding to stop.

"Willow, I need you to read out these words while I add the ingredients." Giles instructed the redhead. She nodded and took the book. He began adding ingredients as she read out the words on the page.

"_Souvall menialla schlami outoosoo_." Willow continued as Angel, Spike, Xander and Anya gathered around to watch. "_Brouvai lamere thygaen auck_. _Shuvai thalmine xubero shivaltyo_. _Ghurna fyarl smivdo visofed._" Willow finished reading the text and Giles added the last ingredient, stirring the mixture until combined. When the antidote was made, everybody sat in silence for a few seconds before Anya spoke.

"Is that it?"

"That's it. Willow, grab a cup from in the cupboard please." Willow handed him a glass cup, tinted blue. He poured some of the mixture into the cup and wiped the side of it before taking it in his hand.

"You're just going to feed that to the lady?" Spike asked.

"Yes. This is the antidote Spike," Giles explained. "Do you have a better idea?" Spike shook his head and watched as Giles, Willow and Angel headed into the bedroom. Buffy still lay there, unconscious. Willow and Angel exchanged worried glances. Giles sat on the edge of the bed and held the cup close to her face. How would he get her to drink it?

"Giles, how can she drink if she's not conscious?" Willow asked, voicing Giles' fear. He thought for a moment.

"Could we maybe try and wake her up?" he suggested.

"How?" Willow responded. Angel stepped forward and leant down. He had one idea and one only, and he hoped that it would work. He inched his face towards hers, his lips ready for the kiss. He figured that if that didn't work, he didn't know what else would. As he got closer, he realised that Buffy's eyes were open and quickly withdrew.

"Buffy?" He whispered.

"I…" she wheezed.

"Buffy, drink this." Angel grabbed the cup from in Giles' hand and held it up to her mouth.

"What…" Buffy feebly protested before accepting the cup and taking several sips. She downed the mixture and coughed a few times before her head rolled to the side. Angel cupped the side of her face gently and supported her head before letting it rest on the pillow. Her eyes slowly closed and Angel sat back.

"Will this make her better?" Angel asked Giles.

"I believe so." He replied softly. "We can only hope it doesn't take too long. Come on, we should let her rest." He gently pushed Angel and Willow away, despite Angel's protests. In the end he knew that it was best for her to sleep it all off.

"Are you going to do anything about the demon that did this to her?" Angel demanded as everyone took a seat in the living room.

"Eventually."

"And how long until you do? What if it attacks someone else and they end up like Buffy?" Angel put forward the idea that this demon may be potentially dangerous to everyone else in Sunnydale.

"Angel, I can't do anything." Giles told him. "I wish I could, but I can't. I don't know where to find this demon let alone how to kill it."

"Maybe if we did a little research to find out where it lives, what sort of demon it actually is and what its weaknesses are, then we'd be able to do something about it." Angel suggested.

"Maybe, but what then? What 'something' are you planning to do? Kill it?"

"Of course." Giles answered.

"Wouldn't that be a pretty obvious solution, Giles?" Angel scoffed. "How about Spike and I hunt for it later tonight." He heard Spike sigh in annoyance beside him and slapped the blond vampire on the knee. "We'll research it now and hunt it later."

"I don't normally agree with you on much, because… well, I don't really like you very much." Xander spoke up. "I have to agree with you though, that sounds like a pretty good plan."

"Thankyou." Angel was unsure what to reply. "I think."

"All right. It sounds like a plan then." Giles agreed. "Everyone grab a book and uh… start reading."

A/N: Yeah I know, going off the original storyline… but hey, it's working out okay isn't it? A little plot twist never did a little story any harm? Besides, when I started writing the excuse for Buffy never being around was because of a demon. When it came to a demon attack, it soon developed into Buffy actually being attacked and seriously affected by it. Hmm… so how's it all sitting with the readers? Feedback is much appreciated.


	11. Chapter 11

I Hate to Love You 11

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Eleven: The Demon

"I think I've got something." Xander announced, after a long search for information. He, Giles, Anya, Willow, Spike and Angel had been researching the Gn'ashmcklav demon for several hours. They'd come up with nothing more than what they started with, until now.

"What have you found?" Giles inquired as Xander's announcement caught everyone's attention.

"It says that the demon lives in deep underground caves, near water sources." Xander read.

"There are some old caves up behind the Old Sunnydale cemetery, Spike and I can go check it out." Angel jumped on the idea of finally getting some answers and finding out where this demon was.

"Xander, does it say anything else?" Giles asked. Xander skimmed over the last of the text in the book he was holding and stopped, pointing at a sentence.

"Its weakness is fire." Angel and Spike both rolled their eyes.

"Great." They said in unison before Angel added, "Something that we both have in common."

"It says you can also kill it by decapitation." Xander added to his previous statement.

"Ah, there's a simple way to do things." Spike declared. Angel grinned at his partner, and Spike grinned back.

"Angel, you should wait until sunset before heading out." Giles instructed. "Then go, just before the sun has completely set. You may be able to catch the demon still at the caves. By nightfall it will have probably left. You must bring back its poison stinger to completely heal Buffy though. I need to some more of your blood to it to neutralise it and then give it to Buffy. Can you get it and bring it back here?"

"Whatever you need, I'll get." Angel assured him. He turned to Spike. "Spike, it'll be dark soon. Help me gather some of Giles' weapons and then we'll go."

"Right. I've just been itchin' for a good fight lately." Spike replied. Angel glared. "What? I keep telling you luv, I am still evil, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember Spike. It's part of who you are, why I love you." The two vampires exchanged a deep-and-meaningful moment in the midst of all the chaos of Buffy's sudden illness and the demon they were about to go and hunt.

"Eww." Anya whined.

"I second that." Xander added. Giles just stayed quiet, thinking the same thing. Angel and Spike ignored them and opened Giles' weapon trunk, grabbing swords, knifes and a couple of stakes.

"You ready Spike?" Angel asked a few minutes later when both he and Spike had tucked weapons galore into various locations on their bodies. In each of their belts a sword was tucked behind the flaps in the coat, and underneath the cuffs of each pant leg was a hidden knife or stake. They were prepared to do battle, and prepared to bring back its poison stinger.

"Ready as I'll ever be mate." Spike replied. Angel nodded a goodbye to Giles and smiled at Willow as he led Spike outside, the sun just setting behind the hills in the distance.

"We have to move fast." Angel told Spike. "Come on."

Half an hour later, the caves behind the Old Sunnydale Cemetery… 

"Spike." Angel whispered as they came near to the caves.

"Yeah?" Spike whispered back. They both hid behind trees as they watched the mouth of the cave for signs of movement.

"Let's split up." Angel instructed. "You go in left, I'll go in right." Angel stepped away from Spike and approached the right side of the cave's single opening. Spike sighed and rushed towards the other wall of the cave. Angel inched inside slowly, looking over his shoulder to see Spike close behind. He turned back and continued inside.

_Ggrr. Scratch. Aagh_. He could hear growling and scraping noises coming from deep inside the cave, echoing off the walls.

"I think it's close." Angel whispered to Spike.

"You think?" Spike shot back sarcastically. He could hear the noises Angel was hearing, and could also smell the demon. Its scent was strong and it didn't smell at all friendly. There was no hope of trying to sneak in; it must be able to smell them.

Then there was silence. No growls, no scratching on the walls of the cave. Angel feared that the demon was coming out. He signalled to Spike and the two hid behind boulders on opposite sides of the cave.

They only had to wait about a minute before the demon was visible. It emerged from the darkness in the caves and as soon as it had passed Angel he jumped out and tackled it from behind. It didn't fall to the ground, instead steadied itself with Angel hanging off its shoulders. With a swift movement Angel was thrown across the cave and into the wall near Spike. He landed with a thud and groaned painfully as he tried to get to his feet. Spike stepped into action.

He swung a fist that connected heavily with the demon's jaw. He kicked it, punched it, launched himself at it and still found that he couldn't bring it to the ground. Spike himself thrown to the ground after the demon had beaten on him a few times. Angel ran at it at full speed and managed to take it down, rolling along the ground before finally being able to pin it. He repeatedly punched it in the face, trying to knock it out. It wasn't working.

"Spike!" Angel called. "Get the stinger!" On the demon's wrist was a stinger that before was retracted but now was threatening to stab Angel. "Get it now!" Angel pinned its arm out beside its body and tried desperately to keep it there so that Spike could grab the stinger. Spike scuttled over, diving at its arm and breaking the stinger off. The demon screamed loudly in pain before throbbing, shaking and finally ceasing all movements. It was dead.

"It's 'bout bloody time that bugger went down." Spike commented. Angel got to his feet and straightened his collar.

"Come on, Spike. We have to get back to Giles' with the stinger and save Buffy." Angel ushered him out of the cave.

"Right. Save your Bonnie-lass then." Spike snorted. He didn't like the Scoobies at all, and since Buffy was their leader, he thought a lot less of her than any of the others. Except for Willow, she was the one out of them all he could stand. And Anya, but he never let on about his weakness for the two feisty females.

Back at Giles' apartment… 

"Got it!" Angel rushed inside Giles' apartment holding the stinger in his hand. He gave it to Giles, who took it over to the kitchen where he had a bowl on the counter. He snapped it in half and let the poison run into the bowl. He looked up at Angel, knowing that now he only needed one thing to cure Buffy.

"Angel, I need some more of your blood." Giles told him.

"Right." Angel stepped forward and held out his wrist. Giles opened the previous wound and held his wrist over the bowl until a sufficient amount of blood had oozed out.

"Thankyou, Angel." Giles pushed it away and handed Angel the tea towel he had used earlier. He mixed the two ingredients together and watched the mixture take a dark crimson colouring, due to the amount of blood. Giles poured it into an old cup. "Let's hope this works like it says it should."

Everyone followed Giles inside to where Buffy lay resting. She wasn't nearly as bad as before; the earlier mixture must have helped. That left only the final stage. Angel held her head up so she could drink Giles' mixture, and gently tried to wake her. She stirred, but didn't open her eyes.

"Now." Angel signalled for Giles to feed it to her in case she slipped back into unconsciousness. Giles held the cup to her lips and tilted it so just a little came out. Buffy swallowed, and all Angel, Giles, Willow, Spike, Xander and Anya could do was stand and watch as Buffy still lay there barely moving.

"Perhaps it takes a little time." Giles suggested. "Maybe we should let her sleep this off, now she's had the last mixture that should cure her."

"_Should_?" Angel asked. "I thought this was a sure-fire thing, you know, _supposed_ to work no matter what."

"And it is."

"Then why do you sound doubtful?" Angel pressed.

"I'm not doubtful Angel, now drop it. We're all here for Buffy, and all that we can do for the moment is sit back and wait." There was a general silence for a few seconds before Spike piped up.

"Anything good to watch on the telly?"

A/N: Progressing well if I dare say so myself. Please review and tell me how you liked the twist and the solution. And yes, next chapter Buffy _will_ be back. She and Angel _will_ talk about the 'issue' and there _will_ be a resolution. And it's a happy one too. Enough talk, I'm going to go write some more.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: my apologies that it has taken so long to update. With school things have been hectic, but now I have 2 weeks of holidays so I can catch up with some of the fics I haven't finished.

I Hate to Love You 12

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Twelve: Approval

After a few hours, Buffy finally woke. She appeared to be healed, and looked visibly healthier. She was no longer pale, and as she sat up in bed she even felt healed. She felt stronger, fitter, better than ever. The mixture had done its job.

Heading out to the living room and kitchen area, Buffy found all her friends gathered around the TV watching the nightly news.

"_And in Sunnydale, California today there was a record low temperature for the winter months_._ Surprised locals found themselves rugging up for the day, and staying inside_." Buffy silently approached as the reporter spoke.

"I didn't know it was so cold out." She stated, watching everyone's heads snap around to look at her.

"Buffy." Angel leapt to his feet and walked over to her. The others slowly rose to their feet and simply stared. "How are you?"

"Better." Angel smiled at her response.

"Are there any side effects to the antidote we gave you?" Giles inquired.

"Don't think so. I just feel so refreshed, so energised. Whatever it was, thanks."

"We're all just glad that you're okay, Buffy." Angel told her.

"Why is he here?" Buffy asked suddenly, pointing to Spike across the room.

"He's here with me." Angel answered her.

"I know why you're here, but why is Spike with you? He doesn't need to be here and I'd _really_ rather it if he wasn't." As Spike was preparing a comeback, Angel realised what she was hinting at.

"You're not okay with this, are you?"

"No. I'm sorry Angel." Buffy was sincerely sorry for not being able to support Angel's decision, but she just couldn't get her head around it. "Not just yet."

"So there may be a chance for you to change your mind then?" Angel pressed.

"Maybe."

"How long do you need? However long, you got it. I'll leave you to sort things out until you're ready."

"Angel, just… come outside with me for a minute, okay?" Buffy stopped his pestering about the subject. He nodded and followed her out the front door. They sat in the courtyard alone, and as Angel sat uneasily in his chair, Buffy leant forward in hers. "I accept that you have feelings for each other…" Buffy began.

"I…" Angel tried to interject but Buffy stopped him.

"Let me finish." She snapped, and Angel was silent. "I accept that you have feelings for each other, but I cannot be 100 percent supportive of you. I just can't." Angel nodded, fully understanding but feeling a little let down. "However, I do know that vampires share some sort of 'special bond'. I know that you and Spike have that, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's one of those natural things, right? You really can't avoid it. I understand that now, so although I don't fully support you yet, I approve of it. That's what you wanted, right?"

"Yes. Thank you Buffy, really. You don't know how much it means to me."

"I'm guessing a lot." Angel smiled in response.

"Yeah." The two got to their feet and Angel hugged Buffy. "I know we're not together anymore, and I know it's hard for you to see me with Spike, but it's just who I am. It's part of me being a vampire, and I'm glad that you're okay with it. Or at least, a little bit okay with it. Really, I am. Thank you."

"It's okay Angel, now can we go back inside before I change my mind?" Angel nodded and escorted her back inside to a party of anxiously awaiting friends. Angel looked up at Spike as he closed the door behind himself and Buffy.

"Well?" Spike knew what they'd been talking about. It was plain to tell instantly as Angel grinned.

"We're good to go, Spike." He said happily. "Buffy approves." Spike grinned back at Angel, glad that the Buffy problem was finally sorted out.

"Can we go now, since Buffy clearly doesn't want me here?"

"Yeah. We need to go and see the guys back in L.A." Angel replied. Spike groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Can't we have some time to _ourselves_?" Spike whispered the last word, and Angel sighed heavily in response.

"I suppose you've earned it, being so patient through all this. It can be your reward." Spike's eyes lit up as he realised things were all back to normal. He had Angel back, and now they could do whatever they wanted.

"Go now Angel, before I have second thoughts about this." Buffy told him. Angel hugged her again and whispered in her ear.

"I really appreciate this. Thank you." He and Spike left Giles' apartment to return to the mansion. The whole way there Spike couldn't wait to get Angel back into bed, even mentioning it to him as they were driving along the empty street.

"What would you let me do to you when we get back to the mansion?"

"Whatever you like. I told you, it's your reward for sticking through this. I didn't know if you'd stay through it all, but you did. So it's up to you what we do at the mansion tonight. And tomorrow night, I get to choose."

"Fair enough." Spike grinned seductively before adding, "Speed up, I've got plans for tonight."

A/N: Kind of short, but I got in there what I wanted to. Next chapter (now that I finally have time to update) will be a reunion in L.A. with Cordy, Wes and Gunn. Now that will be interesting. Will they be over the shock yet?


	13. Chapter 13

I Hate to Love You 13

Author's Note: This is a challenge posted by Persistence of Memory. It involves Spike, Angel and a confession about a well-kept secret. Set in the holiday between Buffy season 4 and Buffy season 5, as well as Angel season 1 and Angel season 2.

Rating: definitely M for low-level coarse language and low to medium-level sex scenes and/or references.

Chapter Thirteen: L.A.

Two days had passed and Angel and Spike were back to their old ways. Buffy was distant from them at first, still trying to fully understand what she had allowed to happen in her town. The two vampires stayed in the mansion for the whole two days, not leaving the bed once except to have a shower.

It was a Sunday night and Angel knew that now everything was all right with Buffy, he had to be sure everything was all right with his friends back in L.A.

"Spike." Angel whispered to the blonde lying next to him in bed.

"Yeah, luv?"

"Would you mind going to L.A. tomorrow?"

"To see your other buddies?" Spike inquired, and Angel looked over at him. "What choice do I have?"

"Well if you want to spend another day here before we go, I'm fine with that. Otherwise, I think it's time we saw them."

'It's _for_ you mate, so it's _up to_ you. If you wanna go to them, then I'll go too. As long as there are no stakes involved."

"You just want the reward at the end for playing along."

"Well, yeah." Spike grinned. "They're good rewards you're offering mate, you think I'm gonna turn it down?"

"Well, no. But still, would you be all right with leaving again? I mean, you don't mind getting up and going again after all that's happened with Buffy?"

"Well I do mind, 'cause I _am_ still evil and all, but I know it's what you want so I'll play along. I love you Angel, everything I do is for you."

"I love you too Spike." Angel wrapped his arm around Spike and felt the young blonde roll over. Spike placed his head on Angel's chest and the two fell asleep.

**_The next night..._**

Angel and Spike were on the road to Los Angeles, after the sun had set several hours before. "I'm bored. Again." Spike complained. He'd been whinging most of the trip.

"I know Spike, just bear with me. Remember the reward you're gonna get?" Spike grinned cunningly.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." He grinned again. "On second thought, there's always something new coming up in scenery; even if it is dark so nothing looks good anyway."

"Spike, I'm sorry but we'll be there soon. I promise." Spike nodded and for a few minutes there was silence. Spike suddenly leant over and rested his head on Angel's shoulder, feeling the older vampire lay his head on top.

"Morning will be soon, Angel." Spike whispered, feeling his jaw bounce on Angel's shoulder as he spoke.

"Yes, I know. Where nearly there. Just a few of miles and we'll be on the outskirts of L.A."

Angel passed the sign reading: _Welcome to Los Angeles_.

_**Cordelia Chase's Apartment...**_

Knocking on the door, Angel looked over at Spike who was leaning against the wall in the hallway. There was a creak and the sliding of door latches on the other side before the door opened slightly and Cordelia peered out.

"Angel?" She cried, fully undoing the chain she had bolting the door shut and rushed out to greet him. It was as if she had forgotten the time they last spoke. "What on earth are you doing here?"

Angel didn't answer, instead just looked over his shoulder at Spike. Cordelia frowned and Spike wandered over; clearly the both of them were uncomfortable.

"I came to see you guys." Angel began. "How are you holding up? And Gunn? And Wes?" Cordelia's smile had faded.

"I... I don't know Angel." She answered. "You dropped a real bomb-shell on us a few weeks back. It takes some time to... _adjust_ to something like that." Angel was surprised at how calm she was.

"And how are you adjusting to the news?"

"Well besides the 'ew' factor, there's nothing much I can do about it, is there?" She forced a smile, but still appeared to be frowning. Angel couldn't tell from her expression whether she approved or not.

"I–" Angel trailed off.

"Angel, you don't have to explain yourself. Wes went over all the vampire lore and stuff with me and Gunn and well, we get it. Kinda. You have some bond and you have a connection, and again I say 'ew'. I..." She paused and sighed. "I guess what I'm saying is... I'm okay with this. On a certain _degree_, that is.Just don't talk so much about it, okay? And no PDA's either, there's a limit on how much one girl can stand of that sort of stuff. It will take time for me to adjust to the change completely, but I can deal. I can handle it."

Angel smiled. "So you approve of us?" His eyes were hopeful and Cordelia folded.

"Yes." She smiled her 'Cordelia-Chase-has-fallen-for-you-again' smile. "But you'll have to talk to Gunn and Wesley about how they feel... they might not be so easily forgiving of you."

"Thanks Cordy." Angel was truly happy now that he knew the two women he really cared about were okay with the new situation. "Um... would you be there when I talk to Gunn and Wesley?" He asked.

Cordelia looked at him sympathetically. "Angel, don't worry about them so much. You gave us a lot of time to think about this; they should be okay with it."

"Will you?" Angel asked again.

"Okay." She sighed. "Is Spike going to be there too?"

"Yes."

"Well, I guess we all have to kinda get used to that, don't we?" Angel nodded slightly and the two stared in silence.

"Are we gonna get out of here or what?" Spike piped up.

"Let's go visit Wes first." Angel suggested, looking into Cordelia's eyes for reassurance.

"Fine by me Angel. I'll be with you through this, just so you know."

"Thanks Cordy. Now that I have you _and_ Spike, there's no way I can get let down." Cordelia closed the door behind her and followed Spike and Angel back to the car; on their way to visit Wesley.

A/N: My apologies for it being such a long time since I updated this... there was school, work, holidays, other stories I was writing and a problematic spot which I managed to work through with this story. Now I've got somewhere to go with this, I'll see what I can get out in the next two weeks before school goes back.

Reviews are most welcome, along with constructive criticism. I love it when somebody gives me tips on how to improve my writing, it really helps.


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